Ruben Amorim loves ‘loving’ SLAPS as Man Utd training session gets ‘awkward’

Ruben Amorim turned things around at Manchester United; now there is a touch of old bondage in training sessions…

I love you…
Ruben Amorim’s media love affair has officially ended after Manchester United’s new manager was caught repeatedly abusing his players during training.

‘Ruben Amorim slapped Man Utd star and pushed another during training’ – To express.

You can get away with it in Portugal, Ruben, but this is Manchester FFS.

Of course, this is Mediawatch, so you already know that claims that Amorim ‘made physical contact with Man Utd players ahead of tonight’s Europa League clash against Bodo/Glimt’ are complete nonsense.

You know this is probably a joke. A joke. A proper laugh.

Or, as the Express admitted in the first paragraph of its ‘Ruben Amorim slapped Man Utd star and pushed another in training’ story: ‘Ruben Amorim apparently hosted a morale-boosting ceremony for Manchester United’s recently injured players during training yesterday .’

I’m not sure how anyone can ‘seemingly host’ anything, but they don’t even try to maintain the claim that the Amorim suddenly turned violent; no need for that, we already clicked.

This was essentially a returning player ‘tunnel of pain’ scenario, which had been a tradition at Manchester United long before Amorim’s arrival; ‘he did not apparently host it, initiate it or take part in it with extraordinary enthusiasm.

However, for click purposes he ‘slapped a Manchester United player and pushed another’.

on SunThey are tearing apart the capitals:

Ruben Amorim bizarrely SLAPS at Man Utd, fans joke ‘I hope Luke Shaw doesn’t get injured’

He’ll SLAP someone “weirdly” only if you completely miss the context. In this particular scenario, it would be weirder if it were him. Negative He slapped anyone.

‘RUBEN AMORIM was caught playfully SLAPPING Manchester United players during a bizarre training session ahead of his Old Trafford debut.’

He wasn’t “caught” doing anything because he was clearly aware the cameras were working. And the training session wasn’t ‘weird’ because this tunnel business initially happened as the players entered the pitch. We’re pretty sure they were trained normally afterwards.

But there are three great paragraphs from The Sun; These obviously don’t have words to describe something that doesn’t sound weird and stupid…

The group could be seen laughing and joking before ‘Amorim turned and pushed Kobbie Mainoo backwards.

‘The former Sporting manager then lovingly attacked Martinez, who quickly ran away to hide.

‘A beaming Shaw appeared to be joking with his new boss before Amorim affectionately urged him to join Martinez at the head of the queue.’

‘With love’? Twice. Listen, if Amorim is ‘affectionately’ slapping Manchester United players in training, then This story…

MORE MAN UTD COVERAGE ON F365…
Mailbox: Man Utd are just ‘a bunch of pretty boys’ and Ruben Amorim is ‘fucked’
Eight Man Utd predictions for player exits after Amorim’s debut include Rashford departure
Mediawatch: Ruben Amorim Hotel gets business as usual, while Mail has its show-offs in full gear

How did Liverpool beat the all-conquering Real Madrid?
While the media does not claim that Ruben Amorim suddenly turned to violence, they make the cream of Liverpool’s 2-0 win over Real Madrid. They’re not even a proper teamChildren.

But Oliver Holt’s head is spinning Daily Mail:

‘Liverpool not only beat Carlo Ancelotti’s winning side in this tie, they outplayed them en route to a 2-0 win, the minimum they deserved.’

There’s just one problem: this wasn’t ‘Carlo Ancelotti’s winning-it-all’ side. This XI included only half the outfield players who had started in the Champions League final just a few months earlier. And this “team that won it all” has lost three of its last five matches and sits 24th in the Champions League standings. They were mocked by Barcelona a few weeks ago.

Here is Paul Joyce Times: ‘The result may not send shockwaves across the Continent at this stage of the Champions League, but the way a thrilling victory is engineered it should. Here you could see how Europe’s most dominant team were completely dominated and Anfield basked in all its glory.’

This won’t send shockwaves across Europe because Real Madrid literally lost to Lille last month, followed by first Barcelona and then AC Milan. Real are the ‘most dominant team in Europe’ in the sense that they have won the most European Cups/Champions Leagues. They are behind Celtic, Feyenoord, Club Brugge and Dinamo Zagreb in this season’s rankings.

And on BBC websiteWhere Phil McNulty was never knowingly uninteresting: ‘Arne Slot can now add banishing memories of some of the most painful events in Liverpool’s recent history to his list of achievements in the stunning start of his Anfield tenure.’

Can he really fuck? Liverpool have lost two Champions League finals to Real Madrid; We don’t think these memories will magically disappear with the home team’s victory in the fifth of eight matches in the Champions League.