Getting free after 50: How gray divorces are redefining relationships.

The news that music maestro AR Rahman and his wife Saira Banu parted ways after 29 years of marriage was widely talked about. What makes this divorce particularly interesting is the longevity of their marriage, raising questions about the increasing trend of ‘grey divorces’.

Before we explore gray divorces, let’s look at other celebrity couples who have faced similar situations. Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao divorced after 15 years of marriage, Hrithik Roshan and Sussanne Khan ended their 14-year marriage in 2014, and Malaika Arora and Arbaaz Khan broke up after nearly 19 years of togetherness. Even in Hollywood, actor Hugh Jackman recently divorced his wife Deborra-Lee Furness after 27 years of marriage. These high-profile separations have reignited interest in the phenomenon of gray divorce.

What is gray divorce?
The term refers to a growing trend in which older individuals, often in long-term marriages, decide to part ways later in life. While divorce rates among young couples are declining overall, the divorce rate among older adults is steadily increasing. This shift has led to increased discussions about gray divorces, particularly regarding the legal and emotional complexities of ending a long marriage at an older age.

Divorce among older couples was rare in the past, especially in Indian households. Even if their marriages went well, social pressures often kept the couples together. Professor at the Department of Psychology, University of Kerala, Dr. Tissy Mariam Thomas explains that several factors have traditionally discouraged divorce.

“In the past, girls were forced to get married. Parents wanted their children to get married, but this trend is now changing. People live healthier lives, women are more independent and financial dependence has decreased,” he said.
Dr Tissy also emphasized that divorce is rarely a sudden decision, whether in gray marriages or young marriages.

“This is a gradual process. Older couples may feel ready to start anew after their parenting duties have been fulfilled and their children have settled in. They may realize the need to make their lives more meaningful or meaningful, and the marital bond they are in may be preventing them from feeling valued and fulfilled in marriage for a long period of time.” “After trying various avenues, they may come to a point where they realize that this cannot continue and that a decision could be painful and traumatic,” she explained.

She added: “In gray divorces, men often find themselves more incompetent than women. Women are often better equipped in skills such as cooking and multitasking, making it more difficult for men to suddenly take on these responsibilities. Many studies show that women have more skills.” “Being happier than men after divorce. Life after divorce can be difficult for men, and it gets even more difficult as they get older.”

“Women can sometimes be hesitant about divorce because they are not financially independent. However, once their roles and responsibilities as wives are fulfilled, many women begin to feel that they are capable of taking care of themselves and decide to divorce. Another factor specific to Indian women is that they often avoid divorce.” It is social conditioning, instead they tend to remain separated from their spouses rather than formally ending their marriage,” he said.
Dr Tissy also noted the importance of social support in gray divorces; Because individuals need the support of their families, children and social circles to get through such a difficult period.

Legal and social changes
Advocate Bindu Sankara Pillai observed that there was once a widespread belief that life ends after the age of 50, which led couples to simply continue their marriage. However, this mentality has changed.
“Today, women are more financially independent, and both men and women are less willing to remain in unsatisfactory marriages. In the past, women held age-restricted government jobs, but this is no longer the case. Women can start businesses at age 50, and often their children “As a result, women now feel like they have the power to say, ‘Enough is enough,'” she explained.

Lawyer Bindu also noted that gray divorces come with unique legal challenges, such as joint bank accounts, joint insurance policies or alimony arrangements, making the process more complicated compared to divorces between young couples.

In many cases, children of older couples are grown adults, sometimes with families of their own. Their support plays an important role in their parents’ well-being. Lawyer Bindu noted that in about 75 percent of gray divorce cases, children support their parents’ decision to separate. But there are also situations where children support only one parent.

“In a few cases I have handled, children fully supported their fathers, stating that it was the mother who had an ego problem. But in most cases, children tend to support their mothers,” he said. Lawyer Bindu also pointed out examples of children supporting their fathers for financial reasons.

Changing dynamics and a brighter future
Gray divorces are becoming increasingly common in society and are gaining more attention, in part due to the increasing number of celebrities going through such events.

The rise of gray divorces reflects broader societal changes, particularly as individuals (especially women) embrace greater independence and seek fulfillment beyond long-term marriages. The stigma surrounding divorce in older couples is slowly fading as more people prioritize their happiness and well-being in their later years.

Although these separations are emotionally and legally complex, they are increasingly understood and accepted. With the support of family, children and society, many individuals choose to start over; This proves that life does not end at 50 and that happiness and personal development have no age limit.
The increased visibility of gray divorces, especially among public figures, has sparked significant discussions about the changing dynamics of relationships and the value of self-discovery at any stage of life.