It took having a baby to realize that my life is great without a baby

Suddenly I didn’t want different things. I wanted nothing less. I was exactly the same person

30 October 2024 11:00

A friend of mine came to me recently and admitted that she felt conflicted about this. having children.

He is happy, excited about the work he does professionally, and has an active social life. This is what she wants for now, but she is considering having children in case she changes her mind in the future. “What if one day this isn’t enough and I miss my chance?” he says.

I was thinking exactly the same; In fact, what pushed me down this path was an imaginary concern for the future that I regret. having children in the first place. I was afraid that my life would not be fulfilling if I wasn’t a mother.

Before my daughter, I was working as a freelancer in a new city. New York Timesand training at a radio station. I was happy and content. But I felt pressure from family members and society who said, “This might be your last chance to have a baby.” I was led to believe that my purpose was to procreate, and as a result, I became pregnant at the age of 28.

However, perhaps ironically, since giving birth to my daughter I can say: life is satisfying and sufficient, childless. While I don’t regret my decision, I now know that it would have been better if I didn’t become a member parents.

It’s hard to pinpoint when I realized this. More, moments that didn’t happen. I kept waiting for it, but I didn’t suddenly realize that parenting was my calling.

Suddenly I didn’t want different things. I wanted nothing less. I was exactly the same person. But people said “motherhood changes you.” So why do I still have the same wants, needs and desires? I wanted to get recognition for my work and skills, not motherhood. Why is my ambition strong? Why am I more dissatisfied? Why am I not happier now? Am I offended?

It didn’t happen change anything about me. I was waiting for this “aha” moment when I “got it”. My life’s purpose has been fulfilled.

Throughout my life, people have said things like, “You’ll feel different when you have a child,” or “You’ll understand when you become a mother.”

But I still have the same beliefs and ideas, now I have a baby too.

The idea that a woman’s greatest goal is to have children leads us to think that we must give up ourselves for someone else, and not doing so means we have failed as a woman. Just look at “.childless cat ladyInsults were hurled at Kamala Harris to see how widespread this rhetoric is.

This creates the suspicion that no matter what else we accomplish, our lives will be wasted if we don’t reproduce. I’m ashamed to admit it now, but a voice in my head has whispered more than once: “What if they’re right and I regret it?”

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On top of that, we are supposedly taught to fear “ourselves.”biological clock‘ he said, explaining that we only have a small window to have a child. This means that some women stay in abusive relationships and ignore their own dreams just to ensure they have children.

Every woman who is thinking of having a child out of fear should take a lesson from me.

Any decision you make in a hurry or under pressure will never feel like it’s yours. Yes, you may change your mind in the future, but you may not change your mind. I am now happy and fulfilled with my life, but I can now say with certainty that the childless version of me is also truly and completely fulfilled. He was crippled by doubt and allowed others to convince him that they knew his mind better than he did.

Having children is not like opening an ISA, you shouldn’t take it now because you might like it in 10 years. Sometimes I imagine what my life would be like if I made a different choice, and I think it would be different from my current life, not better. I would go on another path and enjoy other things.

I’ve met many old women childless, happy and not yet carrying the weight of regret. Women are people and we are satisfied with different things: our family, our career, yes, sometimes, but also our relationships, our hobbies, our friendships, our passions. We can give birth to all kinds of things: life, art, ideas, new ways of thinking. Or nothing. We are created for more than just motherhood, and we don’t need to contribute anything to this world for our lives to have meaning.

So I told this to my friend.