Whangārei artist Julia Tapp’s mission is to provide grieving families with fond memories of their lost little loved ones

Ezra, or “Ezee-bear” as his family called him, was born with severe autism and was perfect even though he never spoke to Tapp and her husband, Jason.

One day in 2014, the free-spirited 3-year-old boy, who had always been interested in water, ran out the front door and traveled 200 meters before being found by his father Jason 27 minutes later in the Ōhinemuri River.

Paramedics worked on him for half an hour, but Julia and Jason held their son’s little body on the riverbank while singing his favorite song. Twinkle Twinkle Little StarThey were informed that their son would not return home.

“There are no words to describe those moments or how quickly it happened,” Tapp, 41, says. “Everyone did their best to save him, but he was already gone.”

Over the years, Tapp has found ways to capture Ezra’s memory in art; Since he did not speak, he stood on his feet to attract his mother’s attention. Julia gets Ezra’s baby footprints tattooed on her feet with a mixture of ink and ash.

Today, casts of his hands and feet are kept in a cabinet with his favorite toys, next to a self-portrait of Julia, a multi-award-winning artist.

His popular Angel Portraits, which he later made for other grieving parents, ended after the waiting list was wiped out when the central Whangārei arts center was flooded; but these days he gets more satisfaction from casting angels.

He left his information at homes as well as medical services, hospitals and funeral homes where Julia would travel to perform the procedure.

Julia says the process is similar to having teeth shaped at the dentist. It is performed using an alginate product in which the powder is mixed with water until it forms a liquid silicone type texture.

Little hands or feet are immersed in the liquid for a few minutes, then slowly removed and the mold filled with liquid stone until it hardens. He then paints them and then presents them in a box.

“It captures really high details like fingerprints and tiny fingernails. The average size would be around 3cm, which is pretty mind-blowing. It’s the exact same size and shape and it’s beautiful.”

Tapp also prepares a spare set of each pair of hands and feet as a backup in case of a miscast or the parental relationship doesn’t last, “so there’s one for mom and one for dad.”

‘Every little hand is important’

In addition to casting, Julia now cleans and dresses babies and trains new midwives to do the same.

She explains: “To get to the hands and feet, I had to ask my mom or dad to make them accessible because they’re usually wearing overalls. You’re so used to taking care of these sweet little babies, so if I’m already dressing them in onesies, then I might as well dress them in little clothes.

Knitwear, often donated to hospitals, lasts 20 weeks or more, she says, so she sources her clothes from an “angel network” that sends a stock of sleeping bags (like a hooded glove, it attaches around the chin, creating a capsule) and small diapers across the country. But she would welcome donations of tiny knitted hats, booties and blankets.

“I really enjoy being able to provide these things for these extra little ones because every baby is a person and they all deserve a little outfit. Every tiny little hand counts.

Tapp says the casting box is presented one of two ways. “I always see the box closed and you can see them already fighting back tears. When I present it, they either thank me, smile and hug me, or they come in and open it. They love them. There are usually tears, and when ours came, I cried too.

“There is a time between the moment I take the cast and it drying, when they forget the details. They say, ‘God, were his hands really that small?’ and ‘Oh, I didn’t see that’. This way, they can look through the eyes of trauma rather than through it. “It takes 3D photos, it’s really amazing.”

Since Ezra’s death, Tapp has been involved in four castings featuring drowning victims, which she says helped her realize that in some ways, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

“I guess I realized there’s a difference between being guilty and blaming yourself and taking responsibility for making a mistake.

“Every parent will feel guilty and blame themselves, and I think the word guilt implies that there is something you feel bad about, especially when we know something was intentional and it was an accident, and I say that to all parents. .

“But we still need to take responsibility because it is undeniable at that moment that Ezra was missing.

“I was supposed to watch her and I went to use the restroom and I thought my husband was watching her and there was a moment where, so yeah, we had to be responsible. It was a mistake and she suffered the brunt of it, but there was no intention behind it, so when there’s no intention, it’s something we don’t want to do.” Should we blame ourselves for something?

“You can be responsible and something you drop the ball on can result in absolute disaster, and that’s what we call an accident. This is my definition of the two and I thought a lot about it, it took me a long time to discover. So, after spending so much time talking to parents about this, how can I turn around and say they’re not guilty but I am? “This really helped me.”

The resuscitation process takes from 30 minutes to several hours, depending on the size. They also occasionally perform family group castings, where they hold a cast of the deceased member before dipping their hands into a bucket.

The number of castings Tapp conducted increased from 30 in the first year to 50 in the second year and 60 in the third year. But last year he made just 22.

“Hopefully it’s gone down because the number of miscarriages has gone down, not because we can’t reach people.”

Her charity work puts in up to 20 hours a week, but since she has a limited income due to health conditions, she fits in well with the busy mommy art classes she runs at the Northland Arts Centre.

“Being able to clean babies, dress them, and give parents back a memory that’s a little less graphic and a little nicer, I think is where my rewards are these days.”

Anyone interested in helping donate knitting can contact Julia at [email protected]. You can find angel knitting models online at: Tigerlily Trust. Click “How You Can Help”.