Having a child at 24 made us feel like strangers

We were the youngest in our prenatal group by about 10 years. All the other couples had more life experience. I remember one woman saying: “We lived in Australia for a few years, then I worked in London for 10 years.” I was mentally doing the math and thinking this was 12 years ago. This meant I was 12 when they started the business. The other parents in our group were also higher up on the career ladder than us, we could tell because they drove electric cars and had designer bags.

However, as we progressed through the prenatal class, the fact that those in our group were 10 years ahead of us did not change anything. Despite the age difference, having a baby was a great equalizer. None of us knew what we were doing, and people with a five-year plan needed to make an even bigger adjustment. Yes, we were younger, but we were all clueless.

For most of our friends, having a baby at this age is unthinkable. This isn’t something just young people do. Most of our friends live in London and still living with parents They are trying to save money; They’re not on the verge of buying their first home. Everything is so expensive that having a family doesn’t come into the equation. When I found out we were having a baby, I immediately created a spreadsheet to figure out how we could afford it and realized it was going to be incredibly tight. We don’t have money to spend on luxury things or things that young people usually spend their money on.

Many of our friends want protect your lifestyle They got used to going to music festivals, parties, and taking exotic holidays. Having children takes you away from all this. Sometimes it is difficult and can make us feel quite alone. We are too young to relate to other mothers and fathers, but we are also out of sync with our own age group. Even if money isn’t an issue, the practicality of working out which holidays you can and can’t enjoy, which bars you can go to, which friends you can see is still important. But our values ​​do not necessarily lie in this kind of comfort; We don’t want to take international holidays and we don’t really enjoy going to clubs anymore. It’s like our world has shrunk around Lydia.

Joe’s friends were so excited for him, they were vicariously experiencing a birth that they themselves could not have imagined at this stage. Their reaction was: “This is exciting for you, but I don’t think I’m ready for this yet.” In many ways we understood this feeling. My mom couldn’t believe it at first but was so excited to be a grandmother, although my dad always thought it was what we wanted. Joe’s parents were pretty surprised, but they already had three grandchildren, so they knew what they were dealing with.

Overall, starting a family at a young age was the best decision we ever made. I think if I were in my late 30s it would be harder to have a baby, especially when you’re chasing after a toddler. As you get older, your career becomes more established, and it’s probably harder to take a career break at that point. Taking time off now means it doesn’t really affect my career.

I always wanted to be a mother, and since my mother was a stay-at-home mom, I liked that and wanted that for myself. I would do this if it wasn’t so hard to live on one income. I don’t think getting pregnant stopped my career; I work for a data company so it’s put things on pause for now. I don’t think taking breaks hinders my progress in the long term or affects my career chances because my job is quite stable and allows for progress. Childcare costs are a bit of a concern, but the introduction of free childcare hours will mean it makes more sense for me to return to work rather than stay at home.

I wouldn’t trade having a baby at 24 for anything. It’s an incredible privilege and I think Lydia is the sweetest baby in the world. Being young parents means we have a lot of energy to care for it, too. Frankly we are still tired but now I’m glad we did it; This is the right time for us and we can’t wait to get more.

As told to Natasha Leake