Psychology Says The Reason Your Marriage is Failing Has Most to Do with You | Charles J. Orlando

I receive hundreds of messages every week from men and women who are unhappy in their current relationships. They want to understand their own problems and their partner’s role in things, even if it means they dwell on unproven “facts” and suffer from analysis paralysis, unable to decide what to do, where to start, and whether they should break up or break up. to stay.

Apparently it is not enough for them to “know” the truth; They need proof and a slap in the face. Okay, next is that spanking. If you’re not afraid of some harsh truths, read on.

Look, I understand; If your marriage is failing or you are unhappy or frustrated in your relationship, you want things to change.

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you want to understand Why do they treat you badly?Why did they cheat, why did they leave, why don’t they make time for you, why don’t they value you, why are you unhappy in your relationship, and you want to understand why you put up with it. Here’s the deal. Every time we read an article, watch a romantic comedy, or watch a recycled sitcom, we seem to be fed the same tired messages:

• Men are inconsiderate idiots who are either lazy, stupid, or both.
• Women are never satisfied, they talk about the same things every day for the entire relationship.
• Men don’t pay attention to the things that are important.
• Women pay too much attention to unimportant things.
• Men don’t do enough in bed.
• Women close their legs when they say “I do”.

RELATING TO: 6 Little Signs Your Marriage Is Going Bad

A study from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro He states that romantic comedies can damage relationships. These make us believe three things: Men suck, women suck, and love sucks. And I’m here to tell you that those things aren’t what suck; You’re the one who sucks. You are not willing to make the difficult decision, face the facts and move on with your life.

I’ll tell you why your relationship sucks. Because You’re stuck with complete crap.. They may not have started out that way, but they’re together now. And guess what? You’re still with them! Responsibility hurts so much, doesn’t it?

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It is difficult to look at things and accept that we are responsible for our misery.

And please don’t tell me things like “you can’t choose who you fall in love with.” This is completely wrong. This is a victim’s statement claiming that life is happening around you and that you are a puppet misdirected by the Powers That Be. Stop it.

You choose to stay You are in a bad marriage or a bad relationship, and this is a direct reflection of either how you think you are worthy or how desperate you are to feel loved. So you ignored all the warning signs that you were clearly in love with a jerk:

• When they don’t answer your calls or messages for hours or days.
• They only call when it’s convenient for them or when they need something.
• When you catch them sending flirty messages to someone else and then playing around as if the other person is “just a friend.”
• When they complain and complain about your friends, your job, your interests, your clothes, your haircut, your attitude, your parents, your weight.

According to research conducted by the Pew Research Center72% of Americans say couples stay in bad marriages too long. After all this, why didn’t you walk away to preserve your self-esteem? I’ll tell you why. Either you’ve assigned your value to them to change for you (which will never happen), or they’ve offered you something that meets one of your basic needs and provided it to you often enough to trap you.

Statistically, most of you reading this are unhappy in your relationship, but you still stay. You stay and justify it for reasons related to the kids or finances, when the truth is you’re afraid to leave.

You are comfortable with things that are familiar and frozen with fear of the unknown. And you, yes you, the person reading this shaking their head and saying, “No, that’s not me… that’s not me.” Yes! You too. We can all see who you are, faking smiles through family events and acting like everything is “fine” or “good enough.”

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Stop complaining about how unhappy you are with this person; If you’re with someone you’re unhappy with, why are you with them?

If you’re really unhappy, do yourself a favor: Go home, grab that bag from the top of your closet—you know, the one with the dust on it—and pack your things and go! Life is too short.

Maybe you’re afraid of being alone. So guess what? This is not true. There are 7.1 billion people in the world, with an almost 50/50 split between men and women.

RELATING TO: When Your Marriage Fails, You Have 3 Options: Choose Carefully

So whether you’re looking for a man or a woman, there are approximately 3.5 billion people to choose from. These are the great possibilities of finding happiness.

To men who complain with statements such as “My husband changed when we got married.” Really? you didn’t see warning signs? It probably hasn’t changed. Now you see him for the person he always was. And by the way, when you call him “my old lady” he might start being a jerk – for good reason.

“I don’t understand. Why does he treat me like garbage when I treat him so well?” To women who say. A better question to ask yourself is: Why are you still with him if he treats you like garbage?

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Assign your value to something other than a man’s opinion of you. Accept and love yourself for a change.

Men who complain that their girlfriends and wives have stopped attacking them a few years into their relationship, try shaving off those matted dreadlocks once in a while. Think your daughter wants to see the Shih Tzu on your lap up close?

And do a sit-up or two while we’re there. Take some pride in your appearance.

To women who are curious Why did he stop trying?Maybe he’s following your lead. He needs the woman he loves; funny, mysterious, smart, shaved legs, made up and attractive. Sweating and pulling a ponytail is great (and sometimes hot), but why would he pursue someone he doesn’t find attractive when you cut off access to the woman he mentally and physically desires?

Do you want true happiness? Stop making excuses. Don’t stay with a jerk.

Happiness is an internal job and if you don’t take a stand it will never come to you. Do something. Do anything. Stop acting like life is happening to you. Unfortunately, you are complicit in your misery and only you can change it.

RELATING TO: Unfortunately Common Reasons Why Couples Get Stuck in Marriages That Don’t Happen

Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert known as the author of the acclaimed relationships book series. The Problem with Women… It’s Men.