Ms. Manners: Would it be bad manners to suddenly decide that everyone should get the check?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends, all gainfully employed adults, often invite a group over for dinner or drinks to celebrate an event such as a birthday or professional milestone.

In some cases, this will reportedly be a “no-host” event and guests will pay their own expenses. Otherwise, it is understood that the host will treat the group.

Twice in recent months, when the check arrived, a guest announced that the group would treat the host. There’s not much to do right now without seeming cheap or generous, but it bothers me when someone unilaterally makes a decision that I have to pay for.

Is there anything that should be done to avoid this scenario?

kind reader: Your friends may be gainfully employed, but they’re not what Miss Manners would call adults. Anyone who thinks they can get away with this kind of behavior and still have friends has a lot to do to mature.

If you don’t want to let go of such people altogether, the immediate solution is to decline invitations to “milestone” events, which seem to be increasing at an alarming rate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a dinner at our house, my husband stood up from the table for a moment and a guest picked up his coffee cup to look at the innovation message on it. When my husband returned, he was furious, saying that touching someone else’s glass was bad manners.

Like this? Does the message on the mug invite scrutiny? Or was the guest unforgivably rude?

kind reader: In an unforgivable way? Is it so bad that it can never be excused?

Ms. Manners agrees that it is discourteous to deal with another diner’s seating arrangements. But if this were a formal dinner, coffee would be served later; not in a witty cup, but on a porcelain plate.

Your family and friends can expect a little more understanding.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for company employees to address customers by their names?

Banks do it, call centers do it, salespeople do it. I have always appreciated being called “Mr. You just say “Smith” instead of “Bob” but that rarely happens.

When I’m called “Bob,” I often feign surprise and say, “Oh! Do I know you personally?” When I said no, he said, “When you called me by my name, I thought maybe we knew each other.” Or sometimes I simply reply, “This is Mr. Smith.”

Miss Manners, gently rebuke anyone who commits this deadly sin and praise me for trying to uphold traditional etiquette. Of course, this isn’t too much to ask.

kind reader: This is certainly how Miss Manners prefers to be addressed by company employees. But these days he has some sympathy for corporate employees who, as you say, are regularly berated no matter what they do.

The correct form of address is respectful and the address preferred by the customer. Remember that this courtesy will not allow them to dictate the form of address to others.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at www.missmanners.com; To the e-mail [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syntaining, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.