A Psychologist Shares 4 ‘Love Styles’ Found in Strong Marriages

When it comes to love styles, everyone experiences it a little differently. While some people are thrown head over heels by intense passion, others slowly develop a bond and form a deep friendship.

Psychologist John Alan Lee identified six different ones:love styles”—unique approaches to love that shape how we connect with our partners. Although there is no one “right” way to love, review published in Open Journal of Social Sciences suggests that the strongest marriages often share four love styles that bring greater stability, joy, and longevity to relationships.

According to research, four love styles that contribute to strong marriages are:

1. ‘Eros’ Love Style

The romantic love style, Eros, is about passionate, intense, and instant attraction as well as deep emotional connection. Eros creates an exciting and energetic atmosphere in a relationship, filled with butterflies, emotional highs, and a strong desire for intimacy.

Research suggests that this love style is closely linked to high levels of marital satisfaction. Eros is also associated with the secure attachment style, which creates trust and stability in relationships.

This type of love also includes mutual support, commitment, a strong sense of partnership, and positive strategies for conflict resolution and stressful situations, which helps nurture a long-term connection.

However, like every intense emotion, it is important for Eros’ passion to remain balanced. When it becomes excessive, it can lead to preoccupation with a partner and potentially encourage jealousy and codependency in relationships.

Over time, the intensity of Eros may naturally decrease, but this does not mean that passion must disappear. Instead, it can evolve into a more sustainable form of love. The important thing is to balance passion with intention, respect and communication, and to ensure that the fire of Eros nourishes the relationship rather than depleting it.

2. The ‘Agape’ Love Style

Agape, also known as selfless love, is sacrificial, unconditional love. It’s about giving and caring for the other person, without necessarily being a transactional experience. People with this love style are deeply committed to their partner’s well-being and happiness.

Agape is less about passion and more about nurturing a stable, supportive, caring and respectful relationship. This is the kind of love that often keeps a marriage strong over the long term. Couples who exhibit this style of love are often the most committed to each other, value loyalty, and have a deep sense of duty to each other.

2021 to work published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships He found that when we perceive our partners as caring, attentive, sensitive, and validating, it improves the quality of our relationships.

Agape is also associated with healthy conflict resolution; because couples with this love style tend to avoid negative behavior such as criticism or defense. Instead, they turn to compromise, empathy, and joint efforts to overcome challenges.

Agape can be especially powerful during challenging times, such as when one partner is stressed or dealing with personal difficulties. The selfless nature of this love allows both partners to come together and face these challenges as a team.

But it is important to remember the distinction between self-sacrifice and over-sacrifice. When balanced with mutual support, Agape can be a powerful force for long-lasting love, especially when both partners are equally committed to each other’s well-being.

3. ‘Storge’ Love Style

Storage or love based on friendship It’s about deep friendship and emotional intimacy. It’s less about the fiery passion of Eros and more about a stable, comforting bond that grows over time through shared experiences and emotional intimacy. It allows you to trust a partner as both a lover and a best friend.

Storge is often found in long-term marriages as it provides stability and security. Such couples are also less prone to impulsive or destructive relationship behavior. What makes it particularly special is its focus on lasting friendship.

Even as the initial spark of Eros fades, Storge remains a stable, grounding force that strengthens the relationship over time. This deep sense of companionship allows partners to feel loved for who they truly are.

4. ‘Pragma’ Love Style

Pragma is the love of practicality and reason, where partners choose each other based on compatibility, core values, common goals and long-term potential. Individuals with this love style seek a partner who meets their specific emotional, financial, or lifestyle-based needs.

This love is driven not by passion or spontaneity, but by careful consideration of how the partner fits into one’s life. While pragma may seem less romantic, it focuses on the practical aspects of compatibility, laying the foundation for a strong marriage. Of course, it’s important not to focus so much on rationality that we neglect the emotional connection that fosters intimacy.

Overall, researchers suggest that Pragma is associated with stable, satisfying relationships and contributes to the well-being of both partners. Such couples can feel more secure in their partnership, knowing that they have made a thoughtful and rational choice. Although Pragma does not sweep you off your feet, it ensures that your relationship will last for a long time.

On the other hand, love styles such as Ludus (playing, non-committal love style) and Mania obsessive love styleweakens the quality and stability of the relationship due to the negative relationship behavior in question.

Eros, Agape, Storge and Pragma; each brings unique strengths to marriage. Eros ignites passion, Agape encourages deep interest, Storge fosters friendship, and Pragma ensures harmony; these are all key elements that create a durable partnership.

While it’s natural for couples to gravitate toward one or more of these love styles, recognizing and appreciating the various ways love can manifest helps create a richer connection. Consider the importance of balance as you think about your love style and how it interacts with your partner’s. By consciously combining elements from all four styles, you can build a marriage that will truly stand the test of time.

Wondering how your marital satisfaction compares to others? Get the science-backed one Marital Satisfaction Scale for an answer.