Why do most high school relationships fail even after years of togetherness?

You started dating in school and managed to make it work for a few years. Now, even though we’ve been together for so long and shared countless ups and downs, it feels like a duty to move this relationship forward. Does it sound like the story of your life? You’re definitely not alone.

While most relationships in high school fade quickly, especially when college life takes them in different directions, relationships that endure with the passage of time can also eventually come to a halt. Mainly because life happens. Although built on a strong foundation of friendship and genuine interest, high school relationships become difficult to manage when two partners grow in different directions; This stage can come while you’re in college or years after you enter the professional world.

“High school romances are special because they are often created in a unique environment where you meet your partner every day. This constant contact, combined with predictable, shared routines and experiences, creates a strong foundation of friendship and familiarity. These relationships often have an emotional depth that includes care, comfort, and learning through life’s ups and downs, explains Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship counselor.

Meanwhile, Absy Sam, a trauma-informed psychologist based in Mumbai, adds that such relationships may also reflect early attachment wounds or unmet needs, which may surface as they develop into more complex adult dynamics.

“It is important to understand that these relationships serve as foundational experiences that perhaps shape how individuals perceive emotional connection, intimacy, and conflict,” says Sam.

Deep friendship, emotional connection, and comfort can keep high school sweethearts together even as they navigate their lives with a broad horizon. However, there is a high chance that one or both partners will later drift apart.

From where?

“These relationships often form during a period of significant emotional and neurological development. During this period, individuals discover themselves through exposure to new environments, ideas, and experiences that often shape their identities. These changes can lead to differences in values, goals, and interests between partners,” Sam explains.

“What once held the relationship together—daily intimacy and emotional security—becomes harder to maintain, leading to the classic ‘we grew apart’ scenario,” says Ruuh.

As a person grows and experiences significant changes, new environments, career choices, and social circles can lead to different paths.

“From an attachment and trauma-informed perspective, past wounds or developmental differences may emerge when young adults encounter these transitions. For example, if a partner’s basic needs or attachment style change or become more pronounced as they mature, this can create dissonance or perhaps lead to conflict,” says Sam.

When you fall in love with your high school sweetheart, you don’t yet know his or her core values. In fact, you are still discovering yourself and understanding your own expectations from a partner.

Even the internet agrees. A Reddit post Discussing the possibility of high school sweethearts getting married also reflects this sentiment.

“It’s definitely possible, but difficult. In your late teens and early 20s, your brain is still developing, you’ll have many new experiences, and you’ll experience significant life changes. All of this means that you’ll be growing and changing right now.” An extremely fast pace. The things you and your high school sweetheart had in common in high school (including maturity level, outlook on life, and plans for the future) may not be there a few years later. It’s possible for two people to grow together and in the same direction and everything be perfectly aligned, but it’s hard,” one Reddit user wrote.

But… they also turn into successful marriages

Remember, some high school relationships can eventually turn into successful marriages. And they can be quite powerful. What does it take to take your bond to this level?

When the emotional bond is strong on both parties and the couple thrives while keeping the friendship strong, they are able to overcome challenges and carry that bond to long-term success.

“The key to creating a high school romance is to continue to nurture that deep emotional connection and friendship even when life changes,” says Ruchi Ruuh.

“Successful couples often carry a shared history, friends and memories of growing up together. “These give them resilience against the ups and downs of life,” he adds.

Open communication and the ability to express vulnerabilities without fear of judgment is also crucial as one grows through different stages of life.

“Couples who learn to recognize, communicate, and support each other in processing their needs and wants can maintain intimacy despite changes. Successful relationships often involve a mutual commitment to personal and relational growth; this allows partners to remain curious, empathetic, and willing to grow together as their identities and goals change,” says Sam.

Add to that adaptability, mutual understanding and shared growth, and a secure commitment throughout life transitions, and you’re probably sorted.