If Your Partner Uses This Subtle Gesture, It Means Your Relationship Is In Big Problem | Mary Jo Rapini

A big red flag for relationships? Don’t roll your eyes. While different meanings have been attributed to eye rolling in the past and in other cultures, today eye rolling in a close relationship is almost always interpreted as a sign of disdain, judgment and disdain.

If your partner rolls their eyes at you, it means your relationship is in big trouble; here’s why:

1. Eye rolling is a sign of disdain

Renowned marriage therapist and researcher John Gottman He said you can often predict whether a marriage will end in divorce just by looking into a couple’s eyes.

Gottman found that eye rolling, even when accompanied by a laugh or smile, can harm the relationship because of the hostile feelings this gesture conveys.

Rolling your eyes is a sign that you no longer value and despise your partner. According to Janice Kiecolt-Glaser of Ohio State Universityrolling your eyes is a sign of serious hostility, and “a marriage is the hallmark of bad marriages—the kind that leads to negative physiological changes.”

Particularly the insult, Gottman’s “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Relationships” — his term for four key behaviors that almost always result in a relationship ultimately failing.

The other “Four Horsemen” are criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, as well as contempt; all of these Gottman’s decades of research It shows that it is co-dependent and toxic for any couple.

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2. People often roll their eyes for negative reasons

• They don’t agree with who’s talking
• They do not like the way the speaker expresses himself.
• They feel disappointed or overwhelmed by what has been said
• They do not respect the person speaking

Sometimes eye rolling isn’t such a big deal. It can be a way of expressing how unimpressed someone is by someone else’s cheesy sense of humor. It could also be a signal that you’re exhausted. Or you may be disturbed by something you don’t care much about.

Maybe you don’t believe the excuses someone is feeding you, but you need to be honest about the situation so you can both get through it. Of course, you don’t have to be married to see the witness rolling his eyes.

Children do this to their parents, and friends do this to each other. I have a friend who always rolls her eyes, especially around certain people. He made it very clear who he despised. If you’re a teenager, eye rolling is almost an entire language.

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3. Eye rolling is passive aggressive behavior

This is a sarcastic remark, passive-aggressive, Nonverbal gesture that never clearly states the reasons or source of your disagreement, thus leaving your partner not knowing how to respond. Eye rolling is more common in men because it is a low-risk form of aggression, while men are more likely to yell or physically attack.

Whether it’s mostly harmless in the long run or a sign that your partner can barely contain their disdain for you, eye rolling is a passive-aggressive way to signal one’s dissent, disapproval, judgment, or otherwise negative reaction. Supported by Rebecca Clift’s article. Journal of Language and Social Interaction Research.

This behavior can result in the person being subjected to eye rolls and feeling ignored, insulted, belittled, and disrespected.

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4. Eye rolling can damage any relationship, especially marriage

Nakaridore via Shutterstock

When children roll their eyes at their parents, it is often assumed that it is because they are immature or do not know effective ways to deal with their emotions.

When partners roll their eyes at each other, it’s more often seen as a deliberate way to show arrogance or dismiss the other’s thoughts or concerns. It may even be perceived as abusive and cause distance between partners.

Withdrawal from the other partner is a common reaction, and the relationship may eventually collapse due to a lack of healthy communication.

We all communicate with our eyes and mouth. and our bodies. Just as we show incredible love with our gestures, we can also hurt someone deeply with our gestures. Eye rolling is one of those movements that can get to the core.

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Mary Jo Rapini MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, author, speaker, and intimacy consultant.