9 Subtle Ways to Seriously Deepen the Emotional Connection with a Man, According to Psychology

Happy relationships shouldn’t be hard work! This is one of the optimistic findings My landmark study on marriageFollowing 373 married couples since 1986

Here’s more good news for you, lovebirds: If you’re in a happy relationship, whether you’re married or not, you can keep it that way or make it even better by introducing a few new behaviors and small changes into the relationship. While many relationship experts say you should focus on fixing what’s wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much bigger impact on a couple’s happiness.

Here are nine ways to seriously deepen the emotional connection with a man:

1. Accept your partner’s uniqueness

couple with glasses looking at each other GlassesShop GS / pexels

We all want our partner to be thinner, richer, more romantic, etc. There were moments we wished were there. Take a look at your expectations and ask yourself how realistic they are.

unrealistic expectations It leads to chronic frustration, which in my research I’ve found is the main reason why relationships fail. 2023 research of the International Journal of Adolescence and Youth It confirms that having unrealistic expectations can worsen your mental health.

2. Practice random acts of kindness often

man surprises woman with flowers Katerina Holmes / Pexels

Small gestures that say “I’m thinking of you” are crucial to keeping the relationship bond strong (he fills her tank with gas and she brings him a steaming cup of coffee in bed).

Holding hands, touching, or midday love emails are all small ways to show love. Research from the Gottman Institute shows: accumulation of small gestures has a greater impact on a couple’s happiness than large, less frequent gestures.

3. Take 10 minutes a day to connect with each other

couple talking while drinking coffee Mikhail Nilov / Pexels

Most couples think they talk to each other all the time. So how often do you talk about the things that truly deepen your understanding of your partner?

The happy couples in my study talked to each other frequently; not about their relationship but about other things. They felt they knew a lot about their partner in four key areas: friends, stressors, life dreams, and values.

Set aside 10 minutes a day to talk with your partner about work, family, home, or anything outside of the relationship—I call it the “10 Minute Rule.” This simple change injects new spirit and life into relationships.

4. Fall in love again every week

couple on date Yan Krukau / Pexels

Spontaneous dates are great, but the truth is that we are busy and often don’t make time for our significant other. Keep your love relationship healthy one appointment a week – dinner out, a movie, dancing, an art show, couples yoga, whatever you both want. Plan in order. According to research by the Institute of Family StudiesHaving regular date nights is linked to healthier marriages.

Men: My research shows that women are more passionate and their libido is stronger when they are away from the home environment, children and chores. Watch what happens when you book a night at the local hotel and get a friend or relative to watch the kids and pets.

5. Change and grow together

couple sharing a meal outside RDNE Stock Project / Pexels

Your love relationship is a living thing that needs nourishment to grow and develop. The best way to nurture it is to instill change in it.

Just like fertilizer to a plant, it brings change to relationships shown being an important component of the couple’s happiness. The changes can be small, but they need to disrupt the routine enough to make him sit up and take notice.

Switch roles: If she always makes the dinner reservations, let her do it. Or break your routines: Leave work and do something fun together; for example, visit a nearby museum or tourist attraction. Or try something new: take a wakeboarding class together or attend a mediation retreat.

6. Get to know each other’s friends and family

people sitting and sharing food fake / Pexels

My research has found that women, in particular, are happier when the man has a good relationship with his family. Also, couples who don’t have to love but accept They are each other’s friends and make an effort to get to know each other They report being happier than couples who have separate friends and separate family lives.

7. Be a caregiver

woman leaning her head on man Alena Darmel / Pexels

One of three things couples A happy relationship needs support (the other two needs are reassurance and intimacy). Research from 2010 demonstrations Support within a relationship is extremely important because it contributes significantly to overall well-being, mental health and relationship satisfaction.

The happy couples in my study always said that having a partner who was “there for them” was one of the most important aspects of their relationship. Men often enjoy providing instrumental support; this is the kind of support that fixes or solves a problem. Women generally enjoy providing emotional support. empathetic listening and constructive feedback.

First find out what kind of help your partner really wants, and then give them that help often and consistently.

8. Keep it light and full of laughter

couple laughing together on a blanket outside Leah Newhouse / Pexels

Laughter is a spiritual practice and important in relationships. Research in 2015 confirmsLaughter acts as a medicine for happiness. To prevent your bond from slipping into monotony, you need to balance the rational aspects of your partnership with the fun parts.

Yes, you need to do some things to get your life together and keep your relationship safe. But don’t forget to play. Play a game, act childish in the snow, watch a silly movie, drag him to the dance floor, etc. Try to rediscover its pure pleasure.

9. Find a healthy way to communicate

couple laughing on the couch RDNE Stock Project / Pexels

The happy couples in my long-term marriage research all said: good communication skills It was what held them together and thrived. This means not just asking your partner what they need, but also telling your partner what you need.

2017 research It suggests that people who are happy in their relationships are more likely to communicate better with each other. This means checking in regularly to find out what stressors have reared their ugly heads in your partner’s life, and that means learning how to fight fairly—no name-calling, shaming, or getting into the kitchen (bringing up everything that’s bothered you in the past year). ).

These are nine simple ways to inject happiness and joy into your relationship. Try these one by one or all at once; You will experience a deeper, more intimate connection with your partner.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. (aka The Love Doctor®) is a relationship expert, professor, therapist, research scientist, speaker, and author of 5 best-selling books.