5 Reasons Why Many Husbands Disappear When Their Wives Get Sick, According to a Therapist | Richard Drobnick - Mars and Venus Counseling Center

Men and women have profound ways of perceiving, reacting, and communicating in relationships. One complex issue that underscores these differences is how men sometimes withdraw when their partners become ill or face challenging situations.

While this may seem cruel, there are often deep-seated, sometimes unspoken reasons behind this behavior.

Why so many men disappear when their partners get sick or need help, according to a therapist:

1. They are afraid of failing as guardians

For many men, The role of protector comes naturally, But when their partner gets sick, they may feel lost if they can’t “fix” the situation right away. Lack of control can become overwhelming and lead to withdrawal.

For a man who is conditioned to take responsibility, not being able to solve his partner’s problem can make him feel like he is letting his partner down. Rather than confront these painful feelings, some men withdraw to avoid the guilt that comes with not meeting their expectations as a service provider. It was suggested by a study in the Journal of Sociology of Health and Illness.

2. They have difficulty coping with vulnerability

Sad man afraid of vulnerability Images You Need via Shutterstock

Illness and hardship underscore fragility;~~traditionally~~ Men are often uncomfortable with confrontation. A. The study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology supports: That watching a loved one suffer can trigger unresolved feelings of helplessness from the past. Because men are often socialized to “be strong,” they may suppress these emotions rather than openly process them.

Withdrawing in these situations is often an attempt to protect themselves emotionally because they may not know how to express their empathy without revealing themselves.

3. They fear emotional dependence

Men and women tend to approach emotional intimacy is differentMen generally feel more comfortable when they have some degree of independence in relationships. When a partner becomes ill or addicted, it can subconsciously challenge a man’s sense of self-confidence. Rather than being selfish, this response is often a deeply ingrained survival mechanism.

They may feel guilty or confused about the level of support needed and afraid of losing themselves in the caregiver role, especially if they have limited experience with such intense emotional demands. Withdrawing feels more like self-preservation than abandonment.

4. They are crushed under the weight of responsibility

When their wives face illness or other problems, many men suddenly feel the weight of running the household, providing financial support, and taking on more than they are used to. This “crash course” in responsibility can leave them feeling inadequate and trigger stress and anxiety. A study in the South African Journal of Psychology suggests. Unfortunately, when the weight of expectation becomes too much to bear, the instinct to retreat becomes an attempt to create emotional space.

5. They misunderstand their partner’s emotional needs

Men may also feel inadequate to meet their partners’ emotional needs during difficult times. When their partners are sick, men may focus on practical support (taking medication and handling household chores) without realizing that their partners may need more emotional presence and connection.

They may believe that they are truly helping their partner by “making space” or working behind the scenes, but they may find that their partner feels abandoned and lonely. Research in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology helps explain This difference in approach can create a painful gap that leaves each partner feeling misunderstood, even if they both truly care.

Moving forward: Finding a way to come back together

A man who is estranged from his wife finds a way to console her fizkes via Shutterstock

Understanding these underlying reasons does not excuse men’s partner withdrawal, but it does help us see it from a more compassionate and clearer perspective. Women may find it helpful to express their needs in a way that is compatible with their partner, asking for not only practical help but also presence.

It is crucial to recognize that presence can be the most meaningful form of support for men. Showing vulnerability, even if it seems unnatural, can be a bridge that brings both partners closer during difficult times.

After all, the goal is connection and understanding. By seeing these responses through the lens of compassion, couples can better cope with the challenges that life inevitably brings, turning moments of difficulty into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

Richard DrobnikLCSW, DCSW, is the Director of the Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Teaneck, NJ.