Sexual violence is kept secret for up to 80% of survivors but those who speak out give them hope – The Irish Times

Last Monday, kathleen correia She spoke outside the Central Criminal Court, where her ex-husband was sentenced to eight years in prison for raping her and forcibly controlling her, among other abuses.

He said the decision to waive his anonymity was difficult, but it was the right one for him. Correia talked about the years he spent silently and hiding the truth, and how these brought with them feelings of loneliness, shame and guilt. He said he felt that he would continue to have these feelings if his name remained anonymous.

These emotions and the burden of carrying complex trauma without any support will be well known to victims and survivors of sexual violence. It takes decades to break down the social and cultural barriers that prevent people from talking openly about this issue.

As recently as 1993, Lavinia Kerwick waived her anonymity in an interview with Gerry Ryan. “Before 1990/1991 you would never hear the word ‘rape’ on the radio, it was like a swear word,” she said of that seismic moment during an appearance on the Late Late Show in 2019.

( Assailant sentenced to eight years in prison for raping and forcibly controlling his wifeOpens in new window )

Kerwick’s extraordinary courage opened a path for victims of rape and sexual violence to follow her lead and speak publicly themselves. As she says so powerfully, “that guilt and shame does not belong to you, it belongs to the rapist.”

Now, three decades later, Kathleen Correia’s message to the public is still about shame and guilt; The same words used by Lavinia Kerwick. During this time, thousands of perpetrators hid in plain sight because the social stigma and silence surrounding sexual violence had not yet been eliminated and perpetrators were not provided with effective protection.

Dublin Rape Crisis Center admires and is grateful to the extraordinary contributions made by those who choose to speak publicly about their experiences. But for the vast majority, speaking on the court steps is not an option. Only a tiny fraction of the total number of people who experience sexual violence see their perpetrators convicted of a crime.

Survivors of child sexual abuse who have now reached adulthood face even greater challenges. Understandably, there are many people who do not want to speak in public, and there should be no pressure or shame in doing so; Every survivor of sexual violence must feel the path forward for themselves.

For those unable or unwilling to take legal action, or for those who initiate the process but cannot obtain confirmation of conviction, the catharsis that a guilty verdict or public acknowledgment of wrongdoing can bring may not be the same for the victim. .

( Ireland learns about the trauma of sexual crime thanks to Lavinia KerwickOpens in new window )

So, what are the options for people who cannot take legal action? Without criminal justice, can there be justice for victims? Where is the verification of what happened? How can survivors find support from someone who understands and supports other survivors who have experienced the same trauma many times before?

Over the summer, there was a criminal case in which a husband was found guilty of raping his wife of more than twenty years. Media coverage of this case led other women facing similar experiences to call the 24-hour National Rape Crisis Hotline; Although these women never complained to the Garda, they saw their own experiences reflected in this case. They silently shared the triumph of the guilty verdict because they indirectly acknowledged their own experience, which gave them the courage to pick up the phone. So there are many other victims who silently carry the trauma of similar experiences and seek common ground with survivors.

That’s why the Dublin Rape Crisis Center developed the ‘Signs of Hope’ awareness campaign, which provides a platform for victims of sexual violence to connect with others who are not seeking help from support services. Eight out of 10 people never seek help. This is a statistic we are focused on changing by using messages crafted by survivors themselves, encouraging others to contact the confidential and anonymous National Rape Crisis Hotline.

( Gisèle Pelicot’s terrifying experience sounds familiar to some women in IrelandOpens in new window )

A handwritten message came from someone who was sexually abused as a child at a religious school. It reads: “I know a safe place where you can tell your story.” The lack of a safe place to speak in the past resonates with what Dublin Archbishop Dermot Farrell said on US television during the week: “There was a culture of denial, a culture of cover-up, a culture of cover-up, a culture of silencing, of ignoring.”

Most helpline callers will never tell another person what happened to them. Others said their loved ones suspected they had been affected in some way and tried to offer support, but they didn’t want what happened to them to “infect” their families.

Some callers describe realistically what happened to them, and we know they will never call us again because all they wanted to do was verbally describe the abuse to someone. For some victims, it is enough for a counselor on the end of the phone to tell them that it was never their fault, that they are believed, and that their experience is important.

A man called us recently and said he just wanted to tell the truth, to acknowledge the terrible wrongs he endured at school. Like Kathleen Correira, he hoped that telling the truth would set him free.

( Dublin Rape Crisis Center launches billboard campaign to raise awarenessOpens in new window )

It’s a hope that connects the experiences of the survivors who spearheaded the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre’s awareness campaign. They believe in a future where there is no shame, no isolation, no stigma, and where people feel they have the right to access available support services.

Most helpline callers start by saying, “I’m not sure you can help me” and “I’m not sure I’m going to the right place.” Our message is that we can help you and you are in the right place.

As this campaign’s slogan states, “When you’re ready to talk, we’re ready to listen.”

Rachel Morrogh is chief executive of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. Free, confidential support is available to anyone affected by sexual violence via the 24-hour National Helpline on 1800 77 88 88.