‘Endless nights of terror’: The six constants of Israel’s war in the north of the Gaza Strip

It’s been 381 days Israel started its ongoing activity attack on Gazaand I feel like an expert in the fight for survival.

For readers who have yet to endure this kind of brutal life, let me explain what you can expect. I use my own experiences as examples, but they are almost universal for the more than two million citizens of Gaza.

1. You will experience endless nights of terror

Before October 7, 2023, nights were the best time to work, hang out with friends, or get together with family. But now nights have become the worst part of my day, especially these days when the Israeli army is escalating tensions. aggression It is entering its third week in northern Gaza, where I live.

Every night feels like a hundred years of terror. The deafening roar of Israeli drones and warplanes roars through my head, depriving me of the chance to sleep.

I haven’t had a moment’s rest for days.

The incessant buzz of drones and heavy artillery bombardment – ​​especially from 8pm until sunrise – robs me of any chance of sleep. Beyond the noise, threatening voices weigh down my mind and are a constant reminder that death may be near. This psychological attack fills every moment with nervous tension.

The sky is filled with flying shrapnel of wood, metal and stone, glowing red at night. The ground beneath our building is shaking, and none of us can sleep until sunrise, when air strikes and artillery usually begin to taper off.

I lost valuable people some nights in this war. my sister’s house bombed. I believe that Israeli forces committed their greatest crimes at night, turning those few hours of rest into a long nightmare filled with deep fear and impending grief.

2. Your home will never be safe

I was displaced 14 times, moving from relatives’ homes to strangers’ homes, and even once to a school classroom. Now I’m back home with my family. It is not safe; bombing threats, hungerand water scarcity is reaching extreme levels and chances of survival are diminishing.

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When the Israelis launched their latest offensive into the northern Gaza Strip, my family’s main concern was “General’s PlanThe attack in which Israeli forces aimed to “clear the Gaza City area with almost no enemies”.

We discussed where we could go as a family. But we realized that there was no safe place anymore; Even the south, where Israeli forces carry out massacres in schools, hospitals and so-called “safe areas”. So we decided to stay in our house. At least if we are killed we can be recognized and buried near where we once lived.

3. You’ll be hungrier than you ever imagined

This massive campaign of destruction in northern Gaza is exacerbated by food and water shortages. We have already experienced these famine Even the limited humanitarian aid that has been coming to Gaza sporadically for months has almost stopped.

Starvation feels like a slower, more painful death than bombs

The few food parcels that arrive are not enough to feed the more than 500,000 starving people left in the North Strip.

Personally, my siblings and I last bought a food package two months ago. Under normal conditions it contained only enough food to last ten days, but we learned to survive on less, eating only two small meals a day.

Last week we were supposed to get a food package from Unicef. I went to the distribution point last week but it was empty. Workers confirmed that no aid trucks have entered Gaza since the start of Israel’s latest offensive against Gaza. I didn’t want to go home empty-handed.

What will I tell my sisters? What would I tell the kids waiting for me to return with food?

I went to the store to see if I could find anything to buy, but there was nothing to eat. Farmland in the North Strip, Jabalia, Beit Hanoun and Beit LahiyaVegetables that once provided us with a few vegetables like eggplant and mulukhiya are now being completely destroyed.

Like most people in northern Gaza, we have been surviving on what little canned food we have saved for more than 10 days. Our meals were reduced to just lentils, pasta, pea soup and bread.

My nieces and nephews are screaming every day to eat something else, but we have no choice. Starvation feels like a slower, more painful death than bombs.

4. Your family will lie to each other about being ‘fine’

Yesterday I was on a video call with my father in Egypt. My family had the chance to escape Gaza the day before Israeli troops occupied Rafah and closed the border. My mother’s health was declining and when they arrived in Egypt she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

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In the middle of our video call, two airstrikes hit nearby residences. The phone slipped from my hand and I fell to the ground to protect myself from the shrapnel.

My father remained silent, his wide eyes and ashen face saying it all. I tried to hide my panic and told him I was fine.

My parents tell me to stock up on as much water and food as I can, keep an emergency kit ready in case of a sudden move south, and try to stay safe.

They know the truth: There is no security in Gaza. They try to console themselves, and I act like everything is okay.

When I ask how they are, especially when I ask about my mother’s health, they always say they are “fine.” I wonder if I should believe them, or if that’s how we protect each other – by pretending – when we know the truth is much worse.

5. Even your family members outside the war zone will suffer

My brother Hamedo also managed to leave and get to Egypt eight months ago, but he calls me every few days and confesses that he still feels trapped in Gaza.

‘When I think that the seagull is better fed than my mother, my heart breaks for our misery and evil fate.’

He repeatedly talks about a nightmare that keeps him awake: “I see myself at home, then an air raid blows up the house and buries me alive under the rubble,” he says. “I scream for help but no one answers until I wake up in terror.”

My friend Ahmed, who left Gaza just before the war to pursue his master’s degree. DublinHe told me during the video call that he’s been having panic attacks since the war started because he knew his family was still stuck in Gaza.

Like many Gazan Palestinians living abroad, he feels a deep sense of guilt when talking about food, knowing that many of us in Gaza are still enduring famine.

“One day, while chatting with my mother, she said that she missed eating fish,” Ahmed told me. “I had fish for lunch that day and fed the leftovers to the seagull that came to my window. When I think that the seagull was better fed than my mother, my heart breaks because of our misery and bad fate,” he added.

6. Even though you live on the brink of death, you will still look to the future

Despite constant bombings and harsh conditions, my sisters, like many women in Gaza, continue to teach their children basic subjects at home or in tents. Even high school and university students are completing their education for a tomorrow that will never come.

“I teach my five-year-old son knowing that we could both be killed before this war is over,” my sister Linah once told me. She even buys larger size clothes for her children, fearing that next year’s clothes will not be available due to the blockade.

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This strange preparation for an uncertain future is not limited to children. Many men were forced to work jobs they had never dreamed of before the war, spending their savings to survive.

His close friend Sami, who was once a lawyer, now sells goods at a small stall. “My two little girls don’t care what I do as long as I can give them money for available candy,” she said. His legal career feels like a distant memory, replaced by the need to provide for his family in any way possible.

In fact, I found myself applying for a journalism scholarship in one hour and reeling from the violence of a nearby bombing the next.

One of the questions on the scholarship application was to suggest a topic to write about. I chose famine without hesitation.

Still, I’m not sure if I can survive the famine, and if I do, whether bombing or being captured in the Israeli occupation will enable me to accept the scholarship if it’s offered to me.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect Middle East Eye’s editorial policy.