We Ask Eric: Our kids didn't check in on us during Hurricane Helene

Dear Eric: My husband and I are hurt and disappointed with our two children, both in their 40s. We were predicted to be in the direct path of Hurricane Helene in Georgia. It changed course slightly to the east and we were not affected by the worst of the hurricane. However, we encountered heavy rain and extreme wind. We also live in a somewhat remote area surrounded by trees.

Our children did not contact us until the afternoon to find out if we were affected by hurricane Helene (they live in different states). We raised them to be independent but caring adults and we cannot understand why they show little to no concern for our safety.

I think we should ask them why they’re not worried about us, but my husband thinks we should just accept that they’ve become selfish and self-centered. Both have previously said they had a wonderful childhood and appreciated how we raised them. So why didn’t they care enough to text/email/call us to see if we were okay? Should I ask them? – No Login

Dear No Login: I’m glad you’re safe. I’m wondering if this communication problem is a pattern of behavior with your children or an anomaly? If it’s the latter, you can think of it this way; A place where your expectations and their expectations do not match.

Either way, you should reach out to them to let them know how their call reached you. If you don’t, I’m afraid you and your husband may start to resent them – unless you’re already fueling the fire of resentment. And you may be building a narrative about them that isn’t true.

Selfish and self-centered are strong words. By your definition, as a family that cares about each other, you should talk about ways you can all feel seen and thought about.

We sometimes think of communication patterns in relationships as a kind of “set it and forget it” feature. But as we change, the way we talk to our loved ones may also change. It’s helpful to keep checking in, keep an open mind, and be vulnerable enough to say, “This upsets me, and I love you enough to let you know.”

Dear Eric: This Concerning “The Accused Mumbler”Her husband resisted hearing aids. I am an audiology doctor serving elderly patients. Hearing loss may accelerate the progression of dementia/Alzheimer’s disease. Your brain is like a muscle; either use it or lose it. When the brain cannot receive a good signal from the ear due to hearing loss, the brain will eventually “forget” what the sounds mean, even if they are loud enough.

Unfortunately, after the initial diagnosis of hearing loss is made, it often takes seven to 10 years for the patient to purchase hearing aids. Think of the experiences, relationships, and joy of living that are often lost due to pride. – Loss Solutions

Dear Solution: There are many advantages to taking advantage of available care. I hope the husband in the letter does the same.

Dear Eric: I am writing Response to letter from “confused mother”Concerned about his son’s college choices. Both you and my mother missed something important. Son to do You have a plan for college. He wants to go to a state university.

On average, 45% of all undergraduate students in the United States attend a community college. Additionally, nearly 50 percent of all students graduating with a bachelor’s degree from a four-year school had attended a community college in the previous 10 years.

The son makes a very wise choice. Not only will you save money, but it is well documented that community college students will receive more individual attention from faculty and advisors and more tutoring help if they have difficulty with any course.

Additionally, the average age of community college students is 27; This means community college classes have a variety of ages and life experiences, which can be helpful for students still trying to find their way. – Community College Studies

Dear Community College Studies: A heartfelt thank you for voicing your support for the Community College so thoroughly and enthusiastically. I agree this is an excellent way to go!

Dear Eric: I read your advice to Confused Mother in the print edition of the local newspaper. Regarding the question of what to do with college funds, the law was recently changed to allow 529 plans to be rolled over to a Roth IRA, with some caveats of course. This might be something worth looking into. – 529 Suggestions

Dear 529 Recommendation: This is a great option for the family, especially if the son chooses to attend community college and save some of the money his parents set aside.

Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at: [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at: rericthomas.com.

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