‘Seismic’ changes in adoption communication

Adopted children are likely to be allowed closer contact with their birth families in future as part of “seismic” changes suggested in a report published today. Some families say the changes are long overdue, but others worry it could deter people from adopting.

Angela Frazer-Wicks’ two sons were adopted from her care in 2004, when they were five and one year old. She was in an abusive relationship and had addiction and mental health issues.

By 2011, Angela had recovered, had a new relationship, and had a daughter. The local authority was not involved in her daughter’s care.

Angela’s sons and their adoptive parents kept in touch with her by writing letters and sending photos once or twice a year. But when the older of the two boys reached puberty, he told his stepmother that he no longer wanted to write to his biological mother. Angela continued to send cards but received no response for years.

Then, out of the blue in 2020, Angela received an email from her oldest son. It turned out that he had tried to contact her but the local authority had told him that was not possible.

Last month, Angela met her eldest son in person; It was the first time he had seen her in 20 years.

“He was amazing to me, and even to my daughter, she’s been waiting her whole life to meet her brother,” says Angela.

Adoption is the state’s most powerful intervention in family life. This is a permanent rupture between the child and his or her birth family and changes the child’s identity forever. Legally, they are no longer the children of their birth parents, whose names have been removed from their birth certificates. Most adopted children grow up without seeing or knowing any of their birth families.

Around 3,000 children are adopted in the UK every year. This is a process that must be authorized by judges in family courts, which determines the level of contact the child will have with his birth parents; They are letters sent through an intermediary, usually only twice a year.

While adoption law has evolved over the years, allowing children to know more about their past than ever before, families say in some ways adoption is still largely stuck in the past.

Now a new report by a group of adoption experts says wholesale reform of the system is needed. It is stated that most children are now adopted from foster care, with only a small fraction being “waived” for adoption.

The report states that “letter box” contact between adopted children and their birth families is no longer valid, and instead recommends face-to-face contact where safe.

Angela Frazer-Wicks describes her adoption experience as “a life sentence…with no appeal.” As chair of the board of trustees of the charity Family Rights Group, she is pleased that mothers like herself will have a better chance of continuing to see their children after they are adopted.

“This is a seismic shift,” says Angela. “It’s been so long since we’ve been here. My hope is that we start to see a little more compassion for birth families; they’re too often seen as the problem.”

While meeting birth families can be very positive for some adopted children, meeting face to face is not good for all children in this situation.

When Cassie was adopted at the age of three, she constantly worried about the mother she was taken from.

While out shopping with her adoptive parents, Dee and John, Cassie would even ask if she could buy groceries for her birth mother.

Dee was told that it would be reassuring for Cassie to meet her birth mother in person.

Their reunion in a noisy communications center went well; but the next day Cassie was very tired, pale and limp. Dee decided to take Cassie to the doctor, and when they arrived at the surgery, Cassie was shaking uncontrollably and vomiting.

However, the doctor said there was nothing physically wrong; Cassie was in shock.

For nearly two years Cassie and Dee attended specialist therapy. Cassie looked like she was still worried about her birth mother and was trying to call her on her toy phone.

Another meeting was held in a quieter environment, with support. After that, Cassie, now 30, said she never wanted to see her birth mother again.

“I never felt a strong urge,” he says. “I had all the information on him.”

With newer adoptions, a new type of risk has emerged. Children can track down their birth families online, and some go and meet them. This can lead to conflict with the adoptive parents or even breakdown of the adoption.

“Children become very emotionally complex,” says Sir Andrew McFarlane, president of the Family Court in England and Wales.

“If you’re trying to figure out who you are in the world and you have a memory of the family you lived with until you were four or five years old… it’s almost natural to try to track them down and keep in touch with them. ”

Without expert help, this could have disastrous consequences.

in 2021 A couple told the BBC it was “devastating” to see their two adopted sons turn against them and after being reunited with their birth families, they are driven to crime.

There is no accurate data on how many adoptions are broken down. The charity Adoption UK said the rate ranged from 3% to 9%.

The 170-page report, published today after four years of review and consultation, says greater consideration should be given to whether adopted children “should have face-to-face contact with people important to them before they are adopted”.

The highly detailed report is strongly backed by Sir Andrew, the most senior judge in the family courts, who said there was no need to change the law for it to become law.

The report is intended to be a review of the adoption process and a “catalyst for positive changes.”

Dozens of other proposals include reforming international adoption law and creating a national registry of court adoption records to make it easier for people to find their own files. The report also recommends removing the term “celebration” from parents’ last visit to court with the child they will adopt.

Most adoptive parents agree that the current “mailbox” communication system is not effective. The charity Adoption UK found that most adopters expect the change outlined in the report will deter people considering adoption, at a time when the number of people coming forward to adopt is decreasing.

Others think it could create more problems.

Nigel Priestley is a specialist adoption lawyer and an adoptee himself. He saw the problems this contact could cause.

“I think this is extremely risky,” he says. “In my view, there is a great danger that once you open Pandora’s Box it will be impossible to close it.”

A Department for Education spokesman said the value of children growing up in a loving family “cannot be underestimated”. And for many children in care, “adoption makes that happen.”

“We know that adoption has a profound impact on everyone involved and it is vital that the child’s interests are protected and at the heart of the process.

“This report provides an important review of the system and we will consider its findings and recommendations carefully,” they added.