What Should You Do If Your Romantic Partner Votes for Trump?

You know he’s your partner. You share similar goals, enjoy the same hobbies, and they match your coffee order with a cup of tea. They’re as close to perfect as you could hope for, but there’s one thing: They voted for Donald Trump in the last election.

Fresh off the election results, depending on which side of the political aisle you’re on, you probably grappled with feelings of griefdefeat, sadness, and emptiness — things your partner never understands. But when you think more deeply about this topic effects of choiceYou wonder how your partner, whom you know to be kind, empathetic, and otherwise perfect, could vote for a candidate like Trump.

The feeling is nauseating, but that also doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to do it. leave them. After all, your partner is perfect. So what will you do now?

If this scenario describes your current relationship, you’re not the only woman asking where to go from here: Many women are seeking support and comfort by opening up about these same feelings online.

under one TikTok video“If anyone figures out what to do, let me know because it kills me inside that all the girls get grace and sympathy from their partners,” one commenter wrote. Another wrote: “It’s kind of comforting to know that others are in the same situation as me. This breaks my heart and I thought I knew him.”

Below, relationship expert Frankie Bashan, PsyD, explains where you can go from here.

Experts Featured in This Article

Frankie BashanPsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and dating expert. He is also the CEO of LittleGayBook.com, a personalized matchmaking service.

What Should You Do If Your Otherwise “Perfect” Partner Votes for Trump?

Dr. According to Bashan, it might be in your best interest to accept that everyone has a choice and that voting for Trump is your partner’s choice. “We must let people be who they are; we cannot expect them to act, think or behave exactly as we do.” But if this is something you have a hard time accepting, it may mean that you and your partner don’t share the same values.

If you and your partner don’t share the same values ​​(which is very important in relationships), it might mean that you and your partner aren’t as compatible as you think. If this is the case, you may need to decide how important it is for you to have a partner who aligns with your political stances.

However, the decision to vote for Trump goes beyond one’s political stance. Trump was not the only Republican candidate in this election. HE also a convicted criminalsomeone who has been accused of sexual assaulthelped lay the foundations and Roe v. Wade’s degradation. When evaluating your relationship with someone who voted for such a candidate, you must decide whether this would be a deal breaker.

If this isn’t a deal breaker for you, know that it is possible. different political differences in your relationship. Dr. “You can have different political views but still respect each other’s differences and enjoy each other’s company,” says Bashan. “But if you’re judging or criticizing each other or trying to persuade the other to think or vote like you, that’s a problem.”

Dr. Bashan encourages communicating with your partner about how you’re feeling, without criticizing your partner’s choice to vote for Trump. You can respectfully share all the reasons why you chose not to vote for Trump and why you feel discouraged by your partner’s vote.

She also suggests meeting with a couples therapist or relationship coach. A professional can help you understand whether these differences are applicable. Dr. “See what’s most important to you in the relationship, and ultimately you have to make a choice,” says Bashan.

At the end of the day, Dr. Bashan thinks that if the only thing you disagree on with your partner is politics, breaking up is not the solution. “If everything or most things in your life are harmonious and there is a lot of love, respect, and joy in the relationship, we owe it to ourselves to respect and accept differences. Let our partner think, feel, and act exactly the way we do,” she says.

But it’s okay if you can’t get over your partner’s decision to vote for Trump. In a time when women’s rights are at stake (among many other dangerous policies), it’s entirely right to feel disappointed and even betrayed by your partner’s decision. If your values ​​around this choice touch on core beliefs that define who you are and what you represent, that’s an important feeling to honor.

Every relationship has its own complexities, but finding clarity about what is most important to you can help you make a choice that feels right. If that means breaking up with your partner – even if it’s due to “political differences” – that’s totally valid. You might find a partner with whom you share similar goals, enjoy the same hobbies, remembers your coffee order, and doesn’t vote for Trump.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS and specializes in topics related to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Before joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.