Why are Gen Z couples saying no to first dates at the hawker center?

Dating apps may be commonplace now, but Holly Matthews Way, 30, who met Mr Matthew Way, 33, on Bumble in 2018, remembers a time when online matches were still new and unfamiliar. Even scarier was the fact that he had to start the conversation with a line about video games.

“It was terrible. As a woman, you’re not used to having to make the first move,” says the Singaporean communications manager, who lives in Melbourne with her Australian software engineer husband of four years.

The idea of ​​dating as a trial phase before an official relationship is also new. “Dating was a new concept for women my age. Most people met their partners through school, church or work. Once they got together they would already be stable. People don’t date someone they don’t know.”

hot spots

The couple began their first date by drinking at Mooloolabar on East Coast Road. They then went along the same road to his favorite Italian restaurant, Al Forno, and “stayed there until the restaurant was almost closed”.

He wanted a place familiar with good food and the right atmosphere. “This felt like a safe space to take someone in,” he recalls.

Although the couple visited hawker centers on later dates, they were not sure whether these would provide the most suitable environment for them to get to know each other.

“It becomes a little difficult to spend quality time with someone at the hawker center if you have to find a table, share it with your aunts and uncles, and stand in line for food.”

For Miss Nadiya, this can be a very stressful experience with a new potential partner. Although he and his fiancée occasionally eat at hawker centers now that their relationship is stronger, he prefers to stay in cafes.

Relationship coach Ms Tan agrees. “There is a certain amount of knowledge involved in first dates. You want to feel good when you’re on a date, which helps build the mental and emotional connection. Some people also want more Instagram-friendly options.”

But that doesn’t mean Singaporeans routinely head to Michelin-starred restaurants to impress potential partners. On the contrary, such ostentatious displays appear to be out of fashion.

“Ten or 15 years ago, dating coaches might have recommended getting your nails done the day before your date. But now it’s all about showing your style and originality. “Singaporeans are less attracted to extravagant appointments and more interested in casual, thrifty appointments,” he says.

Trends come and go, but there’s one element Ms Tan thinks will always be at the heart of the dating experience.

“Food has a very strong cultural and psychological place in Singapore. “It’s a common language, a safe topic that can buffer against the awkwardness of a first date.”

For example, if you don’t know what to say or where to put your hand, you can only focus on the plate in front of you. It is also more interactive than watching a movie, and one learns a lot about their partner by observing how they interact with the service staff.

Assistant professor of family sociology at Duke-NUS Medical School, Dr. Stella Quah says that although meeting out for a meal is an informal yet recent development, it’s no wonder that food has long been used as a justification for meeting and chatting.

“In the early part of the last century, parents would only consider inviting their son or daughter’s family to dinner at home when young people began formal courtship. “Before this, the suitor would occasionally make supervised visits at tea time,” he says.