What should women know about better sex? Sex researchers share their findings

Sex researcher Natalie Rosen says there are many reasons why women may find sex unenjoyable: it may be painful, it may lack lubrication, or it may not suit their particular desires and preferences.

Research British condom manufacturer Durex It found that only 24 percent of women orgasm every time they have sex, whereas 61 percent of men orgasm. Rosen’s own research also found that about 16 percent of women experience pain during sex.

“There’s not enough clitoral stimulation or arousal in the way they enjoy it,” said Rosen, a psychology professor at Dalhousie University.

Here’s what Rosen and two other sex experts say women can do to improve their sex lives:

Improved sexual pleasure requires a broader definition of gender

Sophie Bergeron, a sex researcher at the University of Montreal, says she’s found that people can operate within a narrow definition of gender.

“There doesn’t need to be an orgasm for something to be ‘sex.’ There doesn’t need to be any vaginal or anal penetration,” said Bergeron, Canada Research Chair in Intimate Relationships and Sexual Health. structure.

Rosen says sex can be any behavior that someone finds arousing and attractive.

“For some people, this may involve genital touching, and for some people, deep kissing can feel really sensual, arousing and appealing without any genitals being involved,” she said.

Oral sex, genital fondling, and mutual masturbation can all count as sex, he says.

“Expanding our definitions of what sex is can contribute to sexual pleasure.”

Understanding sexual arousal and desire can help your sex life

Lori Brotto, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Columbia, says she often sees women conflating sexual arousal with sexual desire. Arousal is usually physical, while desire tends to be psychological.

When women are sexually arousedBlood flows to the genitals, causing the vulva and clitoris to become engorged. The vagina and vaginal lips may also become wet with clear fluid.

“This is the body preparing itself for potential sexual activity,” said Brotto, who also holds the Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health.

clit roughly 10,000 nerve endings — more and significantly more than the vagina itself Almost 8,000 found in the glans of the penis — and Brotto says anatomical studies confirm that the clitoris is the only part of the female anatomy that exists just for orgasm.

Touching, rubbing, and licking an aroused clitoris can be pleasurable and lead to orgasm, but Brotto says she’s talked to women whose partners focus too much on clitoral stimulation.

“Stimulating an unaroused clitoris can actually be painful,” she said.

Similarly, trying to penetrate an unstimulated vagina can be painful.

Desire due to arousal

While arousal is felt primarily in the body, desire refers to thoughts and feelings in the mind.

“It’s really important that we ask about both (arousal and desire) because they can be misaligned,” Brotto said.

According to Brotto, in newer relationships or more casual sexual encounters, women tend to experience desire first and then arousal. However, in long-term relationships, women are more likely to experience the opposite.

Planning sex can help make it more enjoyable for some, especially in long-term relationships, Brotto says.

“Planned sexual activity gives the person the opportunity to organize the context, maybe fantasize about it, be conscious of what barriers can be removed, what enablers can come into play,” he said.

“And it’s the opposite of clinical and boring.”

How to discover openings and closings?

Rosen says women can discover what turns them on by learning more about their bodies and desires.

Brotto says women should spend time doing body exploration exercises and looking at their genitals in a mirror.

“It’s not about producing pleasure or orgasm; it’s really about ‘How do these particular touches lead to certain kinds of sensations?’ “It’s about trying to understand the question,” he said.

Rosen recommends resources like OMGYES.com, as well as books by sex educator Emily Nagoski.

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“They can also talk to their doctor who may do some type of training exam,” Rosen said.

brotto says Embracing awareness may also help stimulate desireIt encourages women to focus on the moment when having sex.

“Imagine an exercise where the person is guided to pay attention to different sensations in their body,” he said.

“Maybe they’re starting at the toes, noticing places of tension, noticing the warmth, the texture, the feel of the toes on the sock or the floor.”

How to talk about sex with your partner?

Bergeron says women who want to stimulate their own sexual desires should start by talking to their partners about why they want to have sex in the first place.

A. 2024 survey found that “sexual communication mediates the link between emotion regulation abilities and women’s sexual functioning.”

Simply put, the researchers noted that study participants reported lower levels of sexual function (things like desire, arousal, and orgasm), but they also reported lower levels of sexual communication.

Brotto explains that couples don’t need to know specific terminology about their bodies when talking to their partners. Instead, they should try talking about sex to normalize sexual desire.

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Additionally, encouraging sexual desire through positive motivation, such as celebration, intimacy, and the desire to feel pleasure, is better than using sex to avoid conflict or channel frustration.

Instead, she suggests scheduling time to prioritize conversation as a way to prioritize sexual health, while also focusing on talking about the experience of sex rather than things like performance or orgasm.