Why is it easier for some mothers for boys to parent than girls, according to a clinical psychologist?

When you have a baby boy, many moms are quick to share with you that they think it’s easier to parent boys. Some of the reasons arise from individual personality factors, while others arise from deeper psychological, social and cultural variables. If you find it easier to parent your sons than your daughters, read on to learn possible reasons why.

Why it is easier for some mothers to parent boys than girls:

1. Boys are less emotional than girls

This is actually not true. However, women are often better able to express their feelings verbally, and this can start at a very early age. For women who grew up in homes where there wasn’t a lot of emotion and weren’t comfortable expressing their feelings themselves, parenting daughters can be more difficult and uncomfortable.

2. Men are less sensitive.

Again, this is not true. In my case, my son is my most sensitive child (if you want me to figure out in a completely unscientific way whether your child is sensitive, look at when they cry). they are reading this book …at least if they are dog lovers. My son did and my daughters did not.)

Highly Sensitive Children of both genders. If you have a very sensitive parent or sibling who you think always makes life difficult, this may lead you to think of a sensitive child, and many people mistakenly assume that girls are more sensitive and boys are inherently “tougher” in some way. They also carry this misconception to their gender preferences.

3. He was never comfortable with women

Young woman holding a help sign Yan Krukau | pexels

Some women have never had many girlfriends and they stereotype women as overly girly, catty, or interested in superficial things. I suggest this as the first reason because if you feel this way, it needs to be investigated further and is probably related to one of the deeper level reasons that I will cover later.

4. The relationship with the mother is maladaptive, actively conflictual, or alienated.

For Women who have difficult relationships with their mothersHaving a daughter can be very stressful. You may enter this new mother-daughter relationship with subconscious hopes that it will be close and harmonious enough to compensate for the disappointing relationship you had with your mother.

But if your daughter isn’t wired like you, or worse, reminds you of your mother, then you can often feel very triggered. Additionally, you may not have improved interpersonal skills This would make the mother-daughter relationship easier because you didn’t learn these things from your own mother’s interactions with you. If this sounds like you, there are many great books to read about difficult mother-daughter relationships. When You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends by Victoria Secunda and Are you wearing this? Written by: Deborah Tannen.

5. Over-identifies with your daughters

mother and daughter wearing matching patterns kevin agustinus | pexels

For women with low self-confidenceIt can be very difficult to see that your daughter has the same “flaws” that you perceive in yourself. It may make you want to “fix” your daughter so she doesn’t suffer the way you feel. Sometimes that fix can take the form of telling your daughter to diet or exercise, work out more, or even stop being “slutty” to guys.

Many women feel that their mothers were overly harsh or mean about their appearance, and in therapy we determined that the woman’s mother probably felt that her daughter looked and resembled her. reflects his dire self-evaluation on his daughter. Others may feel that they are throwing away their lives by getting married and/or pregnant too young, and they may later be very rude about their daughter’s relationships, marriage, and/or pregnancy. There are many examples like this.

6. Guys can provide validation that a woman is cute or valuable in ways girls can’t

Many women grew up in a culture and/or family. I gave priority to men’s opinions above that of women. It can be hard to shake the idea that men’s perspectives are more valid than women’s.

Therefore, when a son tells you that you are the best mother, it may sound more “real” than when a daughter says it. This is unfortunate for the daughter, who can often perceive that her mother finds her brother’s love more satisfying than her own.

All of these reasons can be very useful and interesting to explore through introspection (you can even use the bolded phrases as writing prompts) or through individual therapy. Inner expectations of women who have only sons or unexamined thoughts like these may not affect their daily lives.

However, the undiscovered and subconscious or conscious preference of women who have both girls and boys for boys may have harmful effects on all their children. (Remember, being a favorite isn’t always a good thing; for many children, it brings with it a healthy sense of guilt when they’re old enough to understand how their siblings are treated differently than they are.)

If this post spoke to you directly or stretched the boundaries of your consciousness in a disturbing way, I encourage you to think more deeply, especially about your own upbringing and how it affects your assumptions and expectations about men. females. This is something I have personally noticed in myself and am actively trying to explore and manage.

Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her Best Life Behavioral Health group practice.