5 Lessons One Mom Learned Since All Her Adult Kids Went No Contact

With almost a quarter of adult children estranged from parentsIt is impossible to ignore the growth trend. What causes family relationships to fray? And is it possible to recover?

According to a A mother and life coach named CrystalIt’s possible to move forward even if you don’t have a relationship with your children. He must know; he lived it. He said he was able to “learn and grow” from past mistakes and the trauma of being separated from his two adult children.

“It gave me the time and space to look at my own unhealed trauma and understand where my own toxicity was and how I could improve myself,” Crystal said. Now she’s passing those lessons on to other parents.

RELATING TO: Parents Who Let Their Adult Children Be Alienated Are Actually Abandoning Their Children First, Therapist Says

5 lessons a mother learned after her adult children went no-contact:

1. Admitting that their son is emotionally unavailable

“Intergenerational trauma is real, and I was emotionally unable to reach my sons because of my unhealed wounds,” Crystal said.

A. 2018 study published in the Journal of Adult Development It found that when parents accept and support their children, they are more likely to develop healthy emotional intelligence in adulthood.

On the other hand, parents who have their own traumas and are emotionally unavailable to their children ultimately impact their ability to develop healthy relationships as adults.

Realizing that as a parent she has been ignoring her children’s emotional needs, Crystal not only gives her sons the space they need to heal, but also gives herself the space to grow.

Now he can focus his energy on healing his own wounds, and that’s the only way he can begin to repair his bond with his children.

2. Accepting that their son made the best decision for them.

When emotions are painful, it’s easy to play the blame game to help erase some of the pain and guilt. However, true healing comes from admitting your mistakes and taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

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Healing begins when you accept alienation and accept that it is necessary for everyone involved. Crystal went so far as to say she was “proud” of her children for making a difficult decision that was ultimately in their best interest.

RELATED: Newly Estranged Adult Child Admits Living with Guilt and Fear of Punishment After Going ‘No Contact’ with Parents

3. Loving your children means respecting their ‘no contact’ wishes

“The best way for me to love them is honor and respect their no-contact wishes” said Crystal. Just because she “tried her best” to be a good parent doesn’t mean she is, and she’s got that.

Reaching out, violating their “no contact” boundaries, and feeling entitled and obligated to use their time will only push them further away.

4. He needs to work on himself instead of blaming his sons

Adult children who choose not to have contact with their parents often at breaking pointThey feel exhausted by the burdens of their past.

As a parent, you must accept that every conversation or interaction with you is a reminder of their trauma, whether you like it or not. You must heal yourself, acknowledge their pain, and respect their need for distance for any hope of reconciliation.

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Parent-child relationships can be incredibly influential in your life, but at the end of the day, even adult children need to put themselves first.

5. Admitting that you are a bad parent does not make you a bad person.

Everyone makes mistakes, especially when dealing with trauma. You can be a bad parent without being a bad person.

But this Separation of parenting ability and character It does not eliminate guilt.

“How can I be a better version of myself?” Crystal questioned. “There is always something we can learn about ourselves as we move forward in life.”

Life is complicated. Relationships are complex. The parent-child dynamic is no different. Do what you can to heal, nurture and support your children because it is never too late to make amends and move forward.

RELATING TO: Parents whose adult children avoid these behaviors often exhibit these 10 behaviors without realizing it

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations and politics and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, personal growth, and human interest stories.