Dear Abby: My friend was mad because I let her borrow something

DEAR ABBY: When I was young, my immigrant grandparents would bring everyone in our family hand-knitted sweaters from their home country of Ireland. Even though I’m grown up now, I care about him and care about him.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow the sweater for her neighbor’s child, who needed “something Irish” for a show-and-tell event at school. Children were asked to bring items related to Ireland. When I refused to lend my heirloom sweater, my friend told me that she had promised her neighbor she could borrow it.

He got very angry, accused me of being selfish, and hasn’t spoken to me for several months.

We live in the same city, so I run into him sometimes. He’s friendly but distant, and it’s clear he’s still angry at me. Note that I don’t really know my friend’s neighbor who wanted to borrow my sweater for her child. But even if I did, I wouldn’t lend this heirloom to anyone. Was I wrong? — EMOTIONAL IN MICHIGAN

Dear SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! “Your friend” has crossed the line. He should not have promised anyone the use of property that did not belong to him. And it’s so frustrating that because you refused to give it to him, he now freezes you and risks damaging something so precious to you.

My advice is to follow his example. Be friendly but distant, and don’t let him make you the bad guy for saying no.