3 Honest Reasons Why Beautiful Women Have a Harder Time Finding Love, According to a Psychologist | William (Bill) Meleney

After 30 years as a coach and consultant, I have met and treated many different people. Over time, I became a sought-after therapist by many people; these include “hot” people (read: people considered conventionally attractive) in their 20s, 30s, and 40s.

Many people are surprised when I say that it is often very beautiful women who have a hard time finding lasting love. After all, we are told that traditional beauty is the secret to happiness, love and success. I wish this were true!

Three honest reasons why beautiful women have a hard time finding love

1. Being hot affects sense of self and relationships

Physically attractive adults fall into two types: those who know they are handsome and those who do not see it in themselves or humbly deny it.

Men are overwhelmingly more visual than women in their evaluations of both themselves and other people. And physical “beauty” tops the list of desirable traits for a man looking for a woman to date. However women are more attracted to other qualities: Emotional and financial stability, respectfulness, confident humility and a winning smile.

Although a physically attractive woman takes time to get ready for the day, she rarely has thoughts about how great she looks. A man is more likely to evaluate himself positively when he evaluates his appearance in the mirror. Recommended by a study in the Journal of Persuasive Psychology.

When mutually super attractive people enter a relationship—one that some would rate as a “10,” using the old trope—how do their appearances and the impression they make on others affect the couple in the short and long term?

PeopleImages.com – Yuri A

2. Beauty is a problem for women and a problem for men

Research published in the journal Journal of Behavioral Sciences investigating how these generalized observations create some difficult connection dynamics. Handsome men are often full of themselves and arrogant. Beautiful women are called objects of desire by men and are usually approached only by physically attractive men because more “ordinary” men make the mistake of thinking that they have no chance with a particular “hot” woman because they are unattractive.

If a man has other attractive qualities, such as a good sense of humor, modesty, an attractive smile, a good job, an interest in literature or other cultural pastimes, and is a good listener and conversationalist, he is at least likely to be so. He was greeted warily by a physically attractive woman. This is especially the case with literature, travel, cultural entertainment, etc. It is also valid if he is interested in the subjects.

The problem is that no ordinary man approaches her, does not ask her out, and she suffers from men who do so only because they are arrogant and primarily interested in her beauty.

It is not uncommon for a beautiful woman to grow tired of the prospect of finding a man to be with over time. can create a completely intimate relationship.

Or she may “settle” for an attractive man despite her anti-relationship attitude. This frustration often leads a woman to seek counseling about depression, hopelessness, or coaching on how to change the person she finds attractive. What makes the situation worse for him is that many of the women he meets, especially when he is younger, are cold and condescending towards him.

Men do not suffer from such prejudices, but arrogance and self-conceit are as repulsive to women as to other men. Women in their 30s and 40s have generally had enough experience with men full of themselves to become suspicious, but it’s hard to ignore the attraction that many handsome men develop.

Yet as the wise and confident beauty lets her doubts come to the fore, she still wonders if the man whose invitation she accepted will be an exception. It won’t take long for her to show if he’s interested in who she is and not just her beauty. If he can’t pass her internal evaluation, or at least impress her with a “maybe,” he will have lost her.

Unfortunately, this guy probably won’t look at himself during the interaction but will accuse her of being cold or arrogant. If his behavior and failure to evaluate himself is a recurring response to rejection, he may find himself lonely or moving from one woman to another. perpetuate misogyny.

In this case, he will be very unhappy and angry.

It can definitely be a problem for both men and women; It is more noticeable for women who have many talents and characteristics beyond their appearance. So what is a 20, 30, or even 40 year old supposed to do? An attractive man can be successful by being humble and improving his speaking skills.

Most people like to talk about themselves at least a little bit, and when a man shows interest in a woman’s intelligence, passions, interests, and accomplishments and refrains from complimenting her in favor of sharing similar interests, he’s probably hold his attention at least long enough to ask for a date.

This is true for every man, but a handsome man may encounter the initial coldness from a beautiful woman that an ordinary, real man may not encounter. A confident, well-rounded, ordinary man has an advantage over “10!”

What is a single person looking for a relationship supposed to do?

The beautiful woman has a much bigger problem because quality men are often intimidated by her appearance. Regular men need to be careful what they do, say, and think when they don’t know she’s participating. Next, the handsome man will need to give some signals of interest that he thinks are present through his appearance.

Now, there are plenty of handsome men who are not arrogant or conceited, but since a beautiful woman has had experience with a conceited man, it can be difficult for a good, attractive man to overcome this barrier. his expectation.

A. Work by Linda Kalof related to George Mason University It helps to show that attractive women HETrying to develop a demeanor that cannot be interpreted as flirting is often misperceived, so she may have to learn subtle ways to encourage the talented and interesting “5” to express interest and approach her.

My advice to a woman rated “9” or “10” is this: If you are single and hoping to find a good man, your vanity antenna is already tuned, so be careful.

Dean Drobot via Shutterstock

3. You need to pay extra attention to finding the right partner

You should be wary of the ordinary, smart, successful, talented, confident guy who doesn’t show much interest in you.

Don’t think this is distance. Imagine being confident but already assuming you wouldn’t be interested in him. You’ll catch his attention by being a little interested in him, but subtly: Chin down, eyes up, look at him. Show genuine interest in what he is “doing” in his life.

Occasional light physical contact (a light touch on the arm or shoulder) can also send a signal that you’re interested. Don’t be afraid to ask her out!

Now for the men. If you are an attractive man and the woman you are interested in is brave enough to direct her attention to you, be quiet about yourself and how much you want her and her beauty.

You may think you’re hot, but while that may be true, it may be third or fourth on your list of positive traits.

Really put yourself in the background. Express your curiosity, show interest without planning how to “get” him, and if he’s doing you a favor with attention, above all, don’t be needy, desperate, or remind him of how wonderful you are. He has a life and passions, and if you have a date or two with him, live your life and let him know about you without you even trying.

Being seen as handsome does not condemn you to being single or having a settled life.

I know more about the dangers of beauty for a woman than about the suffering of a very handsome man. From where? Because women seek therapists much more often than men.

If you follow my advice, you will find someone suitable for you. Valuing your partner for who they are and appreciating everything they have to offer, regardless of their physical appearance, will land you the right match, even if you are both 10 years old!

RELATING TO: How to Make a Man Notice You and Keep His Attention?

William “Bill” Meleney She is a Washington state licensed mental health counselor and a licensed marriage and family therapist.