7 Disturbingly Common Ways Women Sabotage Even Their Greatest Relationships

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to forget that the little things matter. Small favors; Buying a special treat for your partner or leaving them a little note to help them find a long way to go in the morning. But this also applies to the little things that push people away, often without even realizing it.

This is called self-sabotage, and most of us are guilty of it. It may be subconscious (e.g., you’re not doing this on purpose to hurt your partner or your relationship), but you’re still choosing to sabotage yourself and your relationship on some level. But once you get to know him you can stop.

Here are 7 characteristics of women who simply sabotage every great relationship they’re in:

1. Overreacting because of past painful experiences

Sometimes when we get hurt really badly or when we finally get out of that difficult marriage, we make a pact with ourselves that we will never be with someone like that again.

For example, you dated a man who cheated on you. Then you decide, “I will never be with a cheating man again.” So you go to the other extreme and date a guy who really likes you. He’s a good person, but he’s too in your face and rushes your relationship.

You feel like you have no freedom anymore, you feel suffocated, and it’s too much. Bam! You sabotaged your happiness while trying to protect yourself.

All because you were afraid of getting hurt. It means self-sabotage You do things to harm yourself or defeat a goal you have. If your goal is to have a healthy and happy relationship, you may find yourself sabotaging yourself by doing things you know your partner doesn’t like or undermining the relationship itself. Maybe you hear yourself nagging or you find yourself flirting and thinking about cheating.

How to stop self-sabotage: Spend some time on your own and figure out what a truly happy, healthy relationship looks like to you. Do you want someone who is always there fawning over you, or would that be annoying? Prefer some space and a few date nights a week together?

A. to work American Journal of Orthopsychiatry shows Address whatever was hurtful to you in the past and determine what you want a real relationship to look like in the future – not just acting out in response to your hurt.

2. Saying you’re too busy when he asks you for an appointment

He raises his index finger and is about to speak. Andrii Iemelianenko via Shutterstock

I see this happen all the time when women are confused about how much attention is appropriate to give a guy they really like.

They are told not to change their plans for their partner (because hello: “a strong, independent woman with a life!” or they don’t want to be called “whipped”). But honestly, it depends on who you are and what your patterns are.

How to stop: If you are someone who always tells your friends and men that you are too busy, you need to change that. “You’re too busy,” the other person says, “You’re not important to me.”

If you want love and your relationship is going well, Prioritize the person you like in your life.

3. Pretending to be ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ before breaking up

Anyone who acts as if you’re in a full-blown relationship after the first few dates is a big mistake (and a big turn off).

Has anything like this ever happened to you? You meet a man online. He asks you out for next Friday and calls, texts, and plans your future together before you meet him in person.

How to stop: You need to catch yourself (and stop yourself) if you’re doing this. Before you get even remotely serious (maybe after the first date), slow yourself down and imagine how you might want your relationship to progress. announced in Communication and Social Interaction Skills Handbook. Think about the signs that a relationship is getting serious and make a list.

Your first kiss, your first night at the other person’s house, or having a “define the relationship” conversation are all good signs for a relationship to move forward. Then be realistic about what each means. Your first kiss is not a sign that it’s time to get engaged, it’s not a sign that you should text them a hundred times a day, or that you should expect them to attend your grandmother’s funeral.

Take out your map realistic expectations Take action ahead of time to avoid embarrassing yourself and self-sabotaging the progress you’ve made together.

4. Not showing interest when you are interested

She crosses her arms and legs and walks away from him WBMUL via Shutterstock

You don’t need to chase after someone, but people need to know that their efforts are appreciated and that you care about them. Playing “hard to get” can cost the relationship.

A quality person will treat you the same way he treats everyone close to him; as someone important, valuable and appreciated.

How to stop: Be brave even if it means potentially risk of rejection. If you like someone and they are a nice person, let them know. The right person will love it. If you like someone and want to spend more time with them, just ask.

Self-sabotage will result in rejection no matter what; It’s better to take risks and maybe find true love along the way.

5. Acting casually when you realize you really, really like someone.

Many people, especially women, have bold self-confidence until they genuinely like someone. Is this you?

Once you realize you like them, all your insecurities come out and you start acting like you don’t care to protect yourself. It might seem a little cute at first and inspire the other person to “chase” you, but eventually people get bored of it and move on.

How to stop: You need to be consistent. Don’t let false indifference get in the way of your biggest dream. Be consistent in your love, behavior and words. The Handbook of Intimacy and Intimacy demonstrations That this is the only way to achieve true intimacy. The person you like can’t read your mind.

6. Looking for “problems” in your relationship that don’t exist

Couple arguing and making anger sign with hands Queenmoonlite Studio via Shutterstock

Have you ever started a fight because you didn’t want him to think you were more interested in him than you were? Or are you worried that he’s cheating on you and you keep checking his phone and bringing it up?

How to stop: catch yourself Be careful you’re causing trouble with your wonderful partner (who shows you no evidence that there is anything wrong with your relationship). Is this in your head?

Try not to create what you fear by looking for problems that don’t exist. This is just classic self-sabotage and you both deserve better.

7. Constantly testing your partner’s love for you

If you have to test them or get them to jump out of a sticky situation, you’re either in the wrong relationship or your “stuff” is showing up and getting in your way. Quality people do not like to be tested.

When you test someone’s love or loyalty or even how well they “understand” you, it’s classic self-sabotage.

These are all a lack of communication about what you want, need and desire. Testing someone’s love comes from insecurity and a lack of self-love. Described by Candel, OS and Turliuc, MN in their meta-analysis Insecure attachment and relationship satisfaction. Instead, speak up and tell him clearly what you want.

How to stop: If you absolutely must have proof of your connection, look at how your partner treats you on a daily basis. Look for ways to show love in their own language.

Just because someone walks around while you treat them badly is not proof that they love you; It is proof that you are ready to be treated badly. Ask yourself why you are willing to be the person who treats your loved ones this way.

Self-sabotage is common in happy relationships and can occur in many subtle ways.

No matter how beautiful a person you are (inside and out) or how close you are to finding true love, if you act in a way that sabotages the connection, it will cost you.

Lorna Poole is an international coach and professional speaker. It empowers women to love beyond fear, pain, and regret to attract the partner they truly deserve.