Do’s and Don’ts of Defending Healthy Boundaries

We all struggle with some people ignoring us in our lives. bordersand then we wonder how we can maintain our boundaries in the future and stay focused and committed to our healing and growth while living with hurt feelings.

As humans, we are social animals. We develop thanks to us social networks throughout our lives. We learn and grow together. We define who we are, what we want, how we treat others, and how we want to be treated. Sometimes we think it’s necessary to create healthy boundaries between ourselves and the people in our lives.

healthy personal borders It works the same way as a well-built and maintained fence. While most of us are familiar with the phrase “Good fences make good neighbors,” few are familiar with its origin in a 1914 poem by Robert Frost. “I’m Repairing the Wall.” In this poem, the author examines the often fraught interpersonal dynamics of two neighbors who learn a lot about boundaries through their desire to interact with and challenge each other, while trying to respect each other’s property.

When we begin to establish healthy boundaries with the people in our lives, what we are actually doing is correcting unhealthy patterns of behavior. overdependence in relationships and other problematic habits that no longer serve us self care and prosperity.

Although we do not want to upset our friends or family members by appearing cold-blooded or uncaring, or to be perceived as unprofessional or irresponsible by colleagues and superiors when we are in distress. stress, burnoutDue to the lack of boundaries, we often encounter feelings of overwhelm and resistance to our new rules.

Purpose of new rules

When we create healthy boundaries for ourselves, we actually rewrite our rules of engagement. These new rules define our boundaries and protect us from unhealthy and unwelcome intrusions, demands and expectations. They also enable us to: build mutual respect we must build relationships and manage our limited resources of time and energy.

Defining and defending your boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries requires a great deal of self-assessment and effort. Then, after determining our boundaries, we need to convey them to the people in our lives. While it’s logical to assume that once we set our boundaries and communicate them to the people in our lives, everything will be fine, the truth is that what comes next can be a huge struggle and effort.

Especially when we set boundaries to solve problems long-term negative effects Our new rules are unlikely to go unchallenged as we have to please people and prioritize the needs of our friends, family members, and workplaces over our self-care, life tasks, and responsibilities. Of course, there are times when it is reasonable to ignore our limitations and say yes to a colleague or manager facing a looming deadline, a friend in crisis, or a family member who needs our help.

Managing resistance to change

When you create healthy boundaries with friends, family members, and colleagues that change long-standing dynamics, there will likely be some people who have a hard time understanding or accepting the changes. There may also be people in your life who challenge your new rules for countless reasons. Some may not take your efforts seriously. Others, especially those who are at risk of losing some or all of the benefits of your time attentionand energy – may find adjusting to your limits laborious and troublesome.

You may find that those who took advantage of your previous lack of boundaries try to push your boundaries by resorting to manipulative tactics that attempt to appeal to your compassion, care, and sense of responsibility and blur the lines you draw about your time. and energy.

Do’s and Don’ts for Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

Your healthy boundaries are yours alone. It’s up to you to stand your ground and remain determined to maintain your boundaries against the people in your life who have a hard time accepting your new rules of engagement.

Do not personalize others’ actions, reactions, and choices: Some people in your life may have difficulty understanding your new rules. Their reactions reflect their struggles rather than your efforts to make changes for your well-being and well-being.

surrender guilt: Guilt is a red flag feeling. When you feel guilty for resisting, it’s a sign that someone wants something from you that you’re not comfortable giving.

Stay committed and determined to your highest and best goal: Remember why you create healthy boundaries and how they help you reduce stress, build healthier relationships, and manage your time and energy.

Be careful who pushes your limits: Most likely, people who pushed or ignored your boundaries played a big role in your decision to create boundaries. Be prepared to be pushed back.

Show compassion for yourself and others as you adjust to your new rules. Change takes time. Stay in touch with your emotions and be patient with those in your life who challenge and resist your new boundaries.