Chit Chat: Wafia sings about abusive relationships, Sad S**t tour and Kylie Minogue

Content warning: This story mentions domestic and family abuse.

Anyone who listens beyond the poppy melodies and loves Wafia’s music will know that she has been singing about abusive relationships for years.

But with the release of the singer-songwriter’s latest singles ‘House Down’ and ‘Sad S**t’, one thing has become abundantly clear: she’s done being vague about it.

After sharing ‘Sad S**’ on Instagram, the artist, who grew up in Meanjin/Brisbane, wrote: “The day we wrote this, I opened the last messages my ex sent me during our relationship and they were so crazy and cruel.” We are with the world in August.

“We literally wrote this song by reading his disgusting texts, and frankly he deserves a writing credit for that.”

And now Wafia is taking ‘Sad S**t’ on the road with a series of concerts on Australia’s east coast.

ABC Entertainment caught up with the Los Angeles artist ahead of the tour to ask what he hopes people take away from his most confessional songwriting yet, breaking away from unhealthy relationships as a “third culture kid,” and how he’s been choosing himself lately. Oh, and The Great British Bake Off, Kylie Minogue and soba noodle salad.

What are you watching right now?

I always watch a season of The Great British Bake Off at certain times. This is my consolation show.

I’m currently watching the season Nadia won and it’s one of my favorites.

What can people expect from your upcoming debut album Promised Land?

I think it’s quite hopeful and sensitive. It’s dreamy, much more psychedelic than the poppier moments that people have learned and liked from me. It is quite confessional and sonically diverse.

How did you move from Meanjin/Brisbane to Los Angeles and how did living in the USA influence your music?

I was here in March 2020 and stayed there. The pandemic really forced me to put down roots.

This gave me more access to songwriters and collaborators that I really admire, so living in Los Angeles has been really creatively nourishing.

What was your favorite thing about growing up in Meanjin/Brisbane?

I definitely took it for granted at the time.

The number of plants and birds around… I really miss the sound of birds waking me up in the morning. Or going for a walk and seeing a koala.

What did you like least about it?

I was bullied so bad in high school that people have messaged me since then to apologize.

The Islamophobia and racism was crazy. I know this can happen anywhere in the world but this bullying is a big part of what I associate with living in Brisbane.

When I started singing, people started to be nice to me and it was weird too. If I had stayed in Brisbane it would have been very easy for me to spend my life quite invisibly because…yeah. Yes.

What was the song you listened to the most last year?

It should be ‘Padam Padam’. I love it, I love the beat, it sounds like fun to do, it’s a weird anthem and I love Kylie Minogue.

Why was it important for you to sing about some of the cruelty and abuse you experienced in your relationships?

First of all, it’s a way for me to get over my emotions.

Most of the time when I’m writing I don’t think about what it means to be on the other side of the song, I just write. And I believe everything is relatable because nothing is that unique and I find comfort in that.

And really, when I write a song, I often feel like I’m on the other side of it.

What do you hope listeners take away from this, especially those in similar situations?

I hope it makes at least one person realize that these things aren’t normal because when I was in that terrible relationship I didn’t realize it wasn’t true.

I think when you’re in an abusive relationship, you can really rationalize someone talking to you as love, make you believe that’s what you deserve, or maybe they’re right, and gaslight yourself. Especially if you’ve received love from your parents that doesn’t always seem great.

What is your favorite thing to cook for yourself?

Right now, I’m really obsessed with preparing cold soba noodles with a side of dashi, boiled shrimp and edamame, and maybe a shredded cucumber salad. Los Angeles is experiencing a bit of a heat wave, so this was a really nutritious and light meal.

Thinking about your song ‘Pick Me’ — I wonder if you could share any of the ways you’re ‘picking’ yourself in relationships right now?

My default is to not choose myself because of my past, so it’s a muscle I have to constantly remind myself of.

Of course you have to choose yourself, but you also don’t want to get caught up in toxic individualism and think that the only person in the world that matters is yourself; We are all important in relationship to each other.

Coming from two different backgrounds and growing up as a child from a third culture, it’s hard to balance.

I think for a long time I was avoiding obligations and family because I associated them only with having absolutely no sense of self.

Now I understand why I had to do this, I understand and empathize with the past version of myself.

And as I move forward, I’m excited to do things with certain boundaries for people I love and who deserve it.

So step one is to choose good people who ultimately deserve your attention and thoughtfulness.

And sometimes choosing myself seems like getting out of town alone to recalibrate and think about what my intuition is saying.

As a self-described “third culture kid,” I’m curious what your family thinks about these boundaries.

I became estranged from my father and it is still very difficult to accept it. He is my reason for making music, my absolute advocate, and also the person who constantly causes me the most pain and harm. And these are people. These are complex. If humans were always monsters, they would have no families, no children, and no love.

I love him very much but it has to be from a distance for now because we don’t seem to have a healthy relationship.

People who are not alienated tend to think it’s “out of sight, out of mind,” but that’s not true. Because that person isn’t dead, you recalibrate to that every day.

People don’t talk about this much. I’ve found that talking about it in my music helps normalize it and is another thing that helps me remember that I’m not unique in having this experience.

What was the last book you read and what did you like and dislike about it?

I just read Paul Murray’s book Bee Stings. It’s a pretty dense book, a 700 page intergenerational saga set in Ireland, and it was really interesting and beautifully told. I love Irish writers, I think they tell some of the most beautiful and complex stories and are very talented at storytelling.

Even though the ending wasn’t my favorite, it was a real highlight of the year.

What is the last photo you took and can we see it?

Frankly? I swear I’m not lying; This is Tim Tims. I’m at my last party.

What about the final screenshot?

Saturn transformation!

Ok this is great

I’ve been having a really hard time lately and I’ve been trying to find answers as to why this is happening and I’m like, “Oh, Saturn’s return! That’s exactly what it is.” I’m very typical.

Quotes have been lightly edited for clarity and brevity.

Wafia’s Sad S**t tour continues until November 8, with shows in Melbourne and Brisbane also continuing.