How can I give advice to a friend in a bad relationship?

My best friend’s long-term boyfriend stringed her along for years, but when she thought he was proposing to her, he told her that he didn’t believe in marriage and having children and that he had no intention of committing to her long term. He’s unhappy but he doesn’t leave because he thinks it’s selfish, but he asks me for advice. What do I do?

We have been friends for about 15 years. She started dating her boyfriend about ten years ago. It’s… fine. He’s not cruel, but he doesn’t show any interest in her hobbies or friends (I don’t even have his phone number for emergencies when he and I live together, and I don’t think he knows my last name). Half a decade later, they started living together after his family convinced him.

He travels constantly, often for weeks at a time, without inviting her or turning off his phone.

He wants to get married, buy a house, and have children, but he’s constantly trying to convince himself that he’s happy with what he has now.

He and I had been in abusive relationships before, and he became convinced that the urge to escape was a trauma-related response rather than common sense. I met my partner while they were dating, moved in together, got engaged, got married, bought a house, and now I’m expecting our first child together. We have a healthy, communication-based marriage, and that includes knowing and loving each other’s friends. We’ve had casual conversations about important milestones in the relationship, and both of us who love him are concerned about his long-term future and happiness.

Frankly, I can’t make him do anything, nor do I want to, but I don’t know how to broach the subject without ruining our friendship or feeling like I’m pitting myself against him. I want her to be happy and live a joyful, fulfilling life and have a relationship that doesn’t come with constant disappointment or a direct goalpost shifting. Help!

– Help