11 Signs Good Parents Often Miss When Their Adult Children Are Difficult

Even the best parents can’t be “perfect” all the time, if that standard exists. Life gets in the way, especially as you navigate your relationship with your children into adulthood; people are losing their jobs, facing financial difficulties, and struggling with their own internal turmoil that is largely impossible to detect from the outside.

However, there are some signs that good parents often overlook when their adult children are struggling and that may give them the opportunity to support their children in their most difficult moments.

Here are 11 signs good parents often overlook when their adult children are struggling:

1. They stop texting and calling regularly

Old man looks sad and looks at his phone. Fizkes | shutterstock.com

While isolation from parents is a common theme in adult children coping with unresolved childhood trauma, According to the Newport InstituteIt can also be a worrying sign of emotional distress in healthy family dynamics. Especially for families not dealing with parental alienation or resentful adult children, recognizing these isolating tendencies can help parents better support their children.

You’re not talking or texting with your adult children Think of it as often as you normally do, as a sign that they may be isolating themselves from having to deal with and verbalize confusing and uncomfortable emotions. Many people walk away from relationships rather than acknowledge their discomfort when they are unsure of how to deal with similar experiences.

2. They complain of physical illnesses more often

Adult daughter looks upset as she is comforted by her mother. Fizkes | shutterstock.com

Many adult children struggle with “somatization” in their lives. The book “Trauma-Focused Care in Behavioral Health Services” It is explained as the tendency for people to prioritize or focus on their physical discomfort to express their emotional distress or struggle. They may partially relieve the isolating nature and consequences of their emotional distress by seeking solace or support for an apparent illness or physical struggle.

If you notice that your child is constantly complaining about physical illness, sometimes without any outward signs, be sure to create space for him/her to express his/her feelings and ask for help when he/she is ready. Sometimes, parents just need to open the door to vulnerability Before their adult children feel comfortable walking in.

3. Their appearance or hygiene has changed greatly

Her daughter looks upset while her mother argues with her. Krakenimages.com | shutterstock.com

A. Study published by Cambridge University Press found that people struggling with their mental health or psychiatric disorders were more likely to change their appearance consistently than their neurotypical peers.

Claimed to be a “visible expression” of internal emotional distress or isolation from reality, these changes in appearance and hygiene in adult children may be one of the first signs that good parents often overlook when their adult children are struggling.

4. They have difficulty expressing their feelings

Adult man looking sad while sitting on the sofa. Prostock studio | shutterstock.com

Many people withdraw from their relationships to avoid talking about or confronting their difficult inner turmoil and emotions. It’s easier to calm yourself down when you’re alone, often with unhealthy habitsInstead of embracing vulnerability with people you’re not sure will empathize or support you.

Great parents may be willing and able to support their adult children through these difficult and challenging times, but they haven’t done a very good job of reminding them that they’re ready. If your adult child is feeling unsure about sharing feelings and experiences they have been willing to discuss in the past and is withdrawing from you, consider reminding them that you are always willing to listen without unwanted advice or judgment.

5. They lose interest in their typical hobbies or activities

Sad looking woman on the bus looking at her phone. Eldar Nurkovic | shutterstock.com

When people feel disconnected from their relationships and reality, they tend to give up pursuing passion projects and hobbies that often fulfill them. Accordingly clinical hypnotherapist and spiritual life coach Keya MurthyThese types of creative endeavors and interests help shape people’s identities and can be incredibly effective in reducing stress and building confidence in people’s daily lives.

As a parent, if you notice that your adult child has stopped posting or talking about these hobbies, find out why. Did they creatively make changes in their own interest? Or are they isolating themselves from a grounded sense of self-awareness and assurance?

6. They have an inconsistent routine

The woman was lying on her bed looking sad. Lysenko Andrii | shutterstock.com

While it’s probably difficult for parents of adult children to get a sense of their routine, there are some ways that this shift toward an inconsistent regimen could be a sign that they’re struggling. Accordingly clinical psychologist and professor Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDSigns of emotional distress or impending emotional breakdown in the people around us may be unsuspecting, often characterized by subtle changes in behavior and an isolating departure from typical relationships, hobbies, and routines.

If you consistently notice odd changes in your adult child’s routine, from late-night text messages to drifting away from their daily schedule and activities, consider this a warning sign that he or she is struggling with something and feels the need to do something. They may cope by isolating themselves from normality.

7. They seem overly critical of themselves

The woman, looking angry, moved away from her mother. ViDI Studio | shutterstock.com

Many people struggle with inner anxiety, turmoil, or depression They tend to be overly critical of themselvesespecially around others. They tend to experience intense feelings of guilt or anger that drive them to cope with this harmful behavior, whether or not they subconsciously seek support.

Good parents can spot this behaviorEspecially if it’s new, it gives them space before other signs to reassure them and remove their negative energy from themselves.

8. They openly embrace unhealthy vices

The man looked angry on his couch. TetianaKtv | shutterstock.com

Accordingly A study from SSM – Population HealthThere is an inherent connection between loneliness and high-risk behaviors; Because people experiencing emotional turmoil and isolation are looking for a way to cope with their emotions, sometimes at their own expense.

Although subtle, parents who notice behavioral changes or the presence of unhealthy bad habits in their adult children’s lives may not always be able to intervene directly, but they can help support and foster healthy connection in their routines. Even if it’s providing a listening ear, introducing community events into their lives, or offering healthier coping mechanisms in their lives. They can do their best to supportwhile still maintaining their own healthy boundaries.

9. They seem more nervous than usual

Adult woman looking down sadly. DimaBerlin | shutterstock.com

According to the American Psychiatric AssociationOne warning sign that a person is struggling with their mental health is increased irritability. They may be more critical of others and themselves, paranoid about people around them, and even more anxious than usual about typical life struggles and situations.

While parents of adult children may not immediately recognize this sign, especially if they communicate primarily online, it’s something to keep in mind while it’s in line with other distressing face-to-face signs.

10. Relationships seem to be struggling or ending

Angry looking adult woman turned away from her boyfriend. People Paintings Yuri A | shutterstock.com

People who struggle internally tend to unintentionally fail to show up in a healthy way in their relationships, whether platonic, professional, or romantic. While all their energy and time is focused on mediating their results disturbed and unresolved inner turmoilThey lose touch with important aspects of their other connections, such as genuine support, open communication, and honesty.

As a parent, you may notice this sign before others, especially if they seem to complain about many relationships in their lives or lose more than one at once. Consider how you can support them through this difficult time and even serve as a sounding board for concerns and feelings they may not feel comfortable sharing with others in their immediate circle.

11. They have difficulty focusing and concentrating

Man looks angry at his desk. YEAST LABORATORY | shutterstock.com

If good parents only see their adult children occasionally or talk to them on the phone, noticing their difficulty with focus or concentration may be a sign that they are struggling emotionally. Accordingly Research published in the Journal of Experimental PsychologyMany people who struggle with internal and emotional turmoil may be wasting a lot of their energy. suppressing these uncomfortable feelingsespecially when interacting with others.

Brain fog caused by anxiety or heavy emotional loads can trigger a cycle of confusion that seeps into daily interactions, productivity, and overall moods.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations and politics and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, personal growth, and human interest stories.