5 Ways to Make a Man Do Anything You Want, According to Psychology

Nothing can impact our lives more than when we are doing our best in our lives and relationships. It affects our overall happiness, the way we do our work, and every aspect of our lives. So how do we do this? How can we get to the point where we do our best and help our partners do their best, too?

Here are five ways to make a man do anything you want:

1. Always tell him when he does something that makes you happy

Most of us make it a habit Telling our partners when they do something we’re not happy withWe hope they will learn from this information and stop doing that thing. That’s not usually the outcome, is it? K

We end up learning a lot of information about what upsets our partners, and a greater sense of negativity surrounds the topic. Research from the Gottman Institute He states that it is important to be kind to your partner, even if you are upset and negative towards him.

The opposite is also true. When we make a habit of telling our partners that we appreciate them, they learn a lot about what makes us happy and begin to associate positive emotions with these desired behaviors. This allows a relationship to be built on assets rather than deficits.

2. Ask him to tell you when you do something that pleases him.

Ways to Ask for What You Want in a Relationship Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Similar to above, this allows the conversation between two partners to be built on pleasant information rather than the usual incomplete conversations. The simple truth is that it is easier to repeat a pleasant behavior than to stop an unpleasant one. Therefore, it makes more sense to create opportunities to talk about what we do well, rather than doing what most people do and arguing the opposite.

3. Discuss how these changes affect your relationship

To review at regular intervals whether the relationship is progressing in the direction desired by both parties and set new relationship goals. Setting goals together as a couple is a healthy sign of commitment. According to research in 2011.

Think about it, companies do this in board meetings. They review how the previous year (or quarter) was for the company and what they want to achieve in the future.

We should do this in our relationships too. Talk about what has worked well for each partner in the recent past and what needs to happen in the future to keep the relationship moving in the right direction.

4. If it triggers negative emotions in you, take a break

Ways to Ask for What You Want in a Relationship Mizuno K / Pexels

When I went to therapy as an adult One of the best things I got out of this was that my therapist taught me three things: how to get in touch with my emotions, how to own my emotions, and how to express my emotions. I was so proud to master the skill of doing all three.

I especially liked telling my partners how I felt when they upset me. This mastery skill turns out to be a great formula for short-term relationships.

My therapist never focused on this just because I could do it now. express my feelings This did not mean that my partner would welcome the expression of these feelings. In fact, this statement was very true. unwanted. When I was dating, my “excellent communication skills” often led to the untimely demise of that relationship.

Now, as a trained relationship-saving marriage counselor, I teach my clients what to do about their upset feelings: Don’t stuff them, don’t tell your partner, and don’t deny them. So what’s left?

What to do instead: Give yourself a break when your partner triggers negative emotions in you. If you can’t figure out what to say, just say, “I need a bathroom break.” Research from the Gottman Institute He notes that taking a break when angry can lead to better communication during a fight.

Remember, it’s not wrong to communicate when you’re in a negative emotional state. It’s sure to make things worse between you two.

Once you’ve calmed down, continue communicating with your partner and engage in “positive alternative communication” rather than telling them what they did wrong. In other words, ask for what you want instead, with all the positive language.

Positive language isn’t about ignoring the negative emotions you’re feeling. It is much more likely to bring you the positive reactions and behavioral change you want from your partner; so you don’t have to feel that negative feeling again.

For example, instead of saying “You’re such an asshole. You’re so rude and disrespectful to me. You’re always texting one of your friends when I’m talking to you…” etc. “It’s really important to me that when you and I spend time together, we both turn off our phones and give each other our full attention. Would you be willing to do that?”

You can’t use it both ways in the same conversation. You can either vent things that would cause your partner to withdraw from you, defend their position, or attack you verbally OR you can use “positive alternative communication” when you are calm and have much better communication. chance to get what you want from them

5. Make sure you’re willing to receive what he gives you

I once traveled by car with a beautiful colleague, a former flight attendant. “My ex gave me two lamps like the ones in that store,” he said as we drove through towns. “My first boyfriend gave me a dog like this.” Finally, I asked her: “How do you have so many things that you want men to give you? Just because you’re so beautiful?”

“No,” he replied. “I know the man I’m with will want to give me something, so I tell him what I want and he gives it to me!”

“I think I’m burdening a man by expecting him to give it to me,” I almost shouted.

“Don’t you like giving to people? Wouldn’t you rather give them something you know they want?” Most people are!

From that moment on, I changed my beliefs and actions. I still refuse to view a date or partner as a “gift-giving machine,” but I have opened my mind to receive what someone wants to give me.

I added the proverb “It is better to give than to receive.” I’m getting it now Because I know it is good for me while also allowing someone else to give it.

we all love We get what we want in our relationshipsWhether it be “things” or “acts of care and love.” What I know now is that my friend enthusiastic about receiving. The principle “attracts enthusiasm.” His enthusiasm for the gift and the giver encouraged giving. He also gave a lot.

Elliot Connie He has worked with some of the most prominent figures in the field of SFBT, lectured in the United States as well as internationally in places such as the United Kingdom, Russia, India and Australia, and has written four books on the subject. Solution Focused method.

Ilene Dillon She has been a marriage and family counselor for over 40 years and is a family coach, life coach and social worker.

Fred Talisman She has been a licensed marital family therapist for over twenty years and her goal is to save and revitalize dying relationships.