Dear Abby: My hiking partner walked away after a misunderstanding

Dear Abby: I am a 64-year-old man. I am single, I have two daughters and four grandchildren. A young woman my daughter’s age (“Sarah”) and I have been hiking buddies for the past five years. I treat her like my third daughter and family. Sarah is married and her husband doesn’t like walking. Her husband and my daughters accept our friendship and are happy that I found someone to hike with.

I’m dating a lady (“Toni”) who is close to my age. Six months ago I suggested that we spend our lives together. My daughters and Sarah were happy for me. Toni rejected my offer, claiming that I needed to have some sort of romantic relationship with Sarah.

When I told Sarah this, she walked away from me. I think he thinks you might be involved in my relationship with Toni. We’re still friends, but not like we used to be. Should I talk to Sarah and ask why she’s drifting away from me? I feel depressed about this and have some regret. I shouldn’t have told him what Toni said.

—Hiker in Colorado

Dear Hiker: I don’t think you did anything wrong by telling Sarah what Toni implied. You have the right to ask any questions you want to your walking companion. Unless you ask, you won’t know why your five-year warm relationship with him has soured.

What I want to know is if you’re still dating Toni after she rejected your offer. If your answer is yes, do you plan to continue on your way knowing that you will not have a future with him unless you find a male friend for a walk?

Dear Abby: I had a friend who had been in my life since high school and was a part of the lives of my group of friends. Years later, he became increasingly negative towards all of us for no reason. Her husband is dying right now and we don’t know how to deal with it.

He is so full of hate and negativity that he has overshadowed us all. We’ve had decades of fun and memories, but he wants nothing to do with us. How do we deal with her husband’s death? He says we’re all frauds and it’s all in his head.

—Confused in Ohio

Dear Confused: How long has this woman been becoming “negative”? There may be a reason why it changed. Her husband is sick and will not get better. If he loves her and feels any responsibility towards her, he directs all his energy in that direction.

The way to handle this is for you long time friends to step up. Tell him you care. Be willing to help in any way he will allow and do not isolate him any more than he is isolating himself. If you didn’t, I can understand why he might have said he thought you were a fraud.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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