The most important Australian issue men don't talk about

This article contains references to domestic violence

Conversations about women’s safety and gender equality were almost non-existent for retired AFL player Ben Brown, who grew up in the same household with five brothers and spent his adult years in a highly masculine sporting environment.

Although she was raised to always be respectful, she was never aware of or exposed to the prevalence of sexism, harassment, or gender-based violence.

But it wasn’t until his now-wife told him about some of her experiences that he began to understand the issues and realized he could have a role in changing the conversation.

“My knowledge about the prevalence of violence against women in society, the factors that trigger violence, the attitudes and behaviors that lead to violence in men… these did not come to my mind,” he said.

“It wasn’t really something I was aware of.”

A man wearing a blue-and-red Australian jersey leads the top runs and raises his arm in celebration on the field.

Ben Brown retired from the AFL in 2024 and became an advocate for preventing violence against women. Source: AAP / Matt Turner

Brown later educated herself further on these issues, began speaking at the football clubs she played for, and became an advocate for preventing violence against women.

But most men in Australia don’t talk about violence with other men, and many believe they personally can’t do anything about it, according to new research from national violence prevention organization Our Watch.

The research found that 80 percent of men want to change rates of violence against women, but only 45 percent talk about it with other men and 43 percent feel they personally can’t do anything to change things.

Our Watch also found that 45 per cent of men surveyed felt pressure to act ‘stereotypically masculine’, which CEO Patty Kinnersly said was harmful to both men and women.

He said men who believe in stereotypical versions of masculinity are more likely to commit violence against women, have higher suicide rates and “take less care of themselves.”

“If we are going to prevent violence against women, we need to challenge this version of masculinity,” Kinnersly said.

“We all desire a community where people are safe, equal and respected, where the community can thrive, where everyone has opportunities to be themselves.

“You can’t really do that if men feel like they have to portray a certain kind of masculinity that’s harmful to themselves and to women.”

In her early years as a professional Australian rules player, Brown said she struggled to adapt to the overly masculine environment and felt social pressure to fit in and behave like other players.

He said while the AFL and other major sporting codes had taken “some positive steps”, problems with both prevention and messaging remained.

“I think the AFL has a long way to go in terms of existing procedures for dealing with prevention issues in terms of dealing with the attitudes and behavior that you see in the league,” he said.

“Even when there are situations like players being at fault…consistency in messaging, consistency in how clubs and the league deal with situations like that, I think there is definitely work to be done on that.”

The AFL has taken steps to address gender inequality and gender-based violence, and in May a partnership with Our Watch was announced, focusing on delivering educational training and workshops to all AFL and AFLW clubs.

A large group of people standing on the lawn in front of Parliament House in Canberra. A person in the foreground is holding the following sign: "Real men respect women".

Rallies have been held across Australia to call for an end to violence against women. Source: AAP / Lukas Coch

Ahead of all round eight matches this year, the AFL held a silent ceremony to remember women who have died as a result of gender-based violence.

At the time, AFL chief executive Andrew Dillon said the industry had an opportunity to take a stand.

“We also know that our industry still has work to do, but we are determined to continue educating, taking action and recognizing that we must work harder than ever before,” he said.

“All people are responsible for doing better.”

SBS News has contacted the AFL for comment.

At the time of this writing, 66 women have been brutally murdered in 2024, according to the Counting Dead Women project by advocacy group Destroy the Joint.

A series of events happened and increasing funding aimed at both preventing and supporting people experiencing violence.

But most public conversations continue to be dominated by women.

Anti-violence advocate Tarang Chawla said she believed men’s understanding of all aspects of domestic violence needed to be improved.

“I think men are aware of the most serious forms of violence against women, such as murder… but they are not aware of some of the smaller incidents of sexism or misogyny and their role in combating that culture.” he said.

“Men need to start being more aware of all forms of violence against women, not just the violence in the newsletter.”

Chawla, who became a lawyer after her sister Nikita was killed by her husband, said she believed many factors were preventing more men from speaking out about gender-based violence.

While some couldn’t understand the issue, others said they were unsure of their role or how they could help.

“We need to meet men where they are, especially men who see themselves as good guys who would never engage in violence, to help them understand that they really do play a role,” he said.

“I think a lot of men are a little bit confused and maybe a little nervous about where they fit in… so it’s our job to encourage them to be part of a conversation that’s much more pro-social and social role focused. To make men in society feel like they’re responsible for each person’s actions.” rather, in a broader sense.”

Brown agreed and said he believed the culture within football clubs and society was gradually changing.

She said she has heard of other players starting to call out sexism or misogyny and taking steps to educate each other.

“I think the first step for us as men is to really open our ears and listen to women’s stories, and it’s okay if we don’t have all the answers as long as we try to learn,” he said.

“And if we as men can have these discussions with each other in a really respectful way, that’s actually a really good opportunity to learn to change the culture and also connect on a deeper level.”

If you or someone you know is affected by domestic and family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit: . In an emergency, call 000.

The Men’s Referral Service offers advice to men about domestic violence and can be contacted on 1300 766 491.

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