This is why you should never say ‘I’m proud of you’ to your child.

Stop praising your children.

This trendy new “gentle parenting” style – involves never telling your children that you are “so proud” of them.

Rethinking old habits has gained attention in the wake of the recent TikTok video It went viral after mom Taylor Wolfe told her “Boomer” grandmother not to say “I’m proud of you” to her grandson.

“That means the focus is on you,” Wolfe said in the clip, telling the grandmother to say “you should be proud” instead.

According to experts, the change in expressions allows the child to have confidence in his own choices and behavior rather than relying on external validation.

Author Laura Markham has previously said that overuse of the phrase “I’m proud of you” turns children into “praise junkies,” or someone who is constantly addicted to the praise of others. Today’s Parent.

He suggests phrases like “You must be so proud of yourself.”

A licensed clinical psychologist and contributor, Dr. According to Cara Goodwin Yahoo NewsResearch shows that “process praise” (or praising a child’s effort or strategy when performing a task) actually increases intrinsic motivation.

On the other hand, according to Goodwin, “person praise” that emphasizes characteristics such as beautiful or smart can have the opposite effect, causing the child to focus on mistakes or blame himself when he makes mistakes.

Research also shows that praise should be specific, applauding the child for specific good behavior rather than a generalized expression of praise. According to Goodwin, this helps the child understand how he or she will behave in the future.

Overall, the sometimes controversial parenting method focuses on respect, empathy, and boundaries to raise independent, happy children; This is completely different from traditional parenting methods that harshly punish misdeeds and reward good behavior. Instead of calling time out or yelling, “kind” parents have conversations with their children that set expectations and explain why certain behaviors are not allowed.

Pediatrician Dr. “Gentle parenting is taking a break as a parent and trying to help your children understand what’s going on rather than yelling or screaming,” said Karen Estrella. Cleveland Clinic.

“It can be challenging for parents because when there is a disagreement, you get angry and want to respond immediately,” she said.

For some, the technique is a non-starter.

Lately, a woman posted on an online Reddit forum His sister’s family was banned from entering his home for “kind parenting”. According to an anonymous Redditor, the sister displayed “zero discipline.”

“During the first two days of their stay, her daughter drew on my walls with crayons,” the user wrote online. “And his son recently picked off the flowers I planted in my garden bed and threw rocks at my car parked in the driveway.”

“On top of that,” she added, “they were both constantly pulling my Golden Retriever’s hair and hitting my dog ​​in the face.”