SEX FILES: All single ladies

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Anyone who has ever dated a man has probably at one point or another, in a moment of disappointment, jokingly told their friends that they’ve given up on the man kind.

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However, for the women of the 4B movement, life without a man is much more than a temporary feeling.

Originating in South Korea, 4B (or “No Four”) is a feminist movement that boycotts men as a way for women to regain the right to have a say over their own bodies and lives. It focuses on four principles: bihon (no marrying men), bichulsan (no giving birth), biyeonae (no dating men), and bisekseu (no sex with men).

The movement, which started in Korea as a reaction to sexism and gender-based violence, gained attention in the United States after the re-election of Donald Trump.

For some women in the United States, the 2024 elections felt like a critical moment for the future of reproductive rights. During the previous term Roe v. Trump, who is credited with overturning the Wade case, has cast a shadow of uncertainty over bodily autonomy. Searches for 4D on Google increased last week as women looked for ways to regain a sense of empowerment amid political turmoil. If the movement continues to gain momentum, it could have far-reaching effects, including reshaping relationships and social dynamics.

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While 4B may seem extreme to some, staying single can benefit women. A. New study from the University of Toronto found that single women, on average, reported higher levels of satisfaction with relationship status, life satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and less desire to need a partner, and were overall happier in their singleness than their male counterparts.

This lines up with many conversations I’ve had with friends recently. None of us are ready to completely distance ourselves from heterosexual relationships. We enjoy focusing on other things like friendships, travel, and family without the distraction and emotional labor of dating. Focusing on these areas feels more satisfying, especially as life gets busier. After all, it’s unlikely my best friend or sister will ghost me.

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Tinder’s Canadian relationship expert Dr. Jess O’Reilly was also not surprised by the results of the U of T study. She explains that these reflect findings from Tinder’s 2023 “Year of the Swipe” and “Future of Dating” reports, pointing to a significant shift towards self-prioritization and independence among Gen Z and Millennial women.

O’Reilly says there are several reasons why single women are happier than their male counterparts. First, women have more support networks outside of romantic relationships. “Research shows, for example, that women’s friendships are more intimate, supportive and satisfying. Previous research also finds that men get more support from partners, while women get more support from friendships,” says O’Reilly.

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Second, O’Reilly points out that women tend to do most of the unpaid labor in heterosexual relationships.

“U of T research suggests that single women outside heterosexual relationships often feel liberated from traditional (often unstable) domestic roles, which contributes to a sense of independence and fulfillment,” she says. O’Reilly adds: “Tinder’s data backs this up, showing that single Gen Z women value independence in all aspects of life, with 51% of young singles balancing dating around personal goals and routines rather than conforming to traditional roles.”

There is also the question of sexual satisfaction rates in relationships and whether these rates are lower for women than for men.

As O’Reilly explains, “Women may generally find solo sex more pleasurable than partnered sex (regardless of relationship status), meaning single women may report higher rates of sexual satisfaction.”

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But is staying single the solution? Not necessarily.

Relationships of all kinds benefit from self-awareness and independence.

“Instead of giving up on romantic relationships altogether, I recommend engaging in consistent reflection on your relational values,” says O’Reilly.

He encourages people to ask themselves a few simple questions. “What makes a relationship satisfying and meaningful?” and “What practical and emotional components of a relationship are most important to you?”

Clarifying these questions can help you find connections that are supportive, nurturing, and aligned with your values.

Finally, if you’re a man who dates women, be curious about their gender experiences. Ask questions, listen actively, and educate yourself on how to better support the women in your life.

“Whatever your intentions for relationships are—whether you’re looking for long-term love or a casual encounter—knowing your values ​​can help you feel comfortable and confident when dating,” O’Reilly says.

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