Psychology Says There Are 3 Common Communication Mistakes That Always End Relationships | John M. Grohol

Good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Many marriages could be saved if the way spouses communicate with each other was improved. It’s often the simplest bad habits that get couples into trouble.

When a marriage hits a difficult road, negativity increases. The problems get worse as both spouses repeat the same mistake. Take a look at the communication errors below and learn how to fix them.

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Here are three common communication mistakes that end relationships:

1. Yelling at your partner

When you feel angryYou’ll probably start raising your voice. Anger creates tension.

As tension builds, you look for a way to release or express it. According to research by the Gottman InstituteYelling in a relationship is an indication that something deeper is affecting the relationship.

Yelling at your partner becomes a quick and easy option, but it often causes more trouble than relief. It may feel good to release your tension when your partner upsets you, but the feeling of satisfaction is often short-lived. Everything you say when you’re angry will likely add fuel to the fire.

Yelling brings out a lot of strong, negative emotions. No matter what you try to convey at this point, emotion will be at the center. This is what catches the listener’s attention the most.

Unfortunately, your verbal message will be diminished and even misunderstood because you make your partner defensive and angry instead of sensitive and understanding.

It’s not something you can’t express some When you speak, you feel a strong emotion; After all, you are not a robot. But shouting goes far beyond the limit. It paves the way for an exchange of heated emotions rather than conveyed words.

Even if the message you have to share is your feelings, a purely emotional exchange can easily turn into an exhausting, destructive habit. At some point, emotions need to be conveyed in a way that allows you to pass them, not feed them.

When you can keep your emotions in check, your message can shine. This doesn’t mean you should try to push your feelings aside. They can be a very important part of your situation.

But remember: the main purpose of communicating is to be clearly understood. To do this, your communication channel needs to go in two directions. Excessive emotion interferes with this. Take some alone time to help you ride out the wave of emotions and let them settle on their own.

Another option is to take a short exercise break before continuing the conversation. Exercise is a great stress reliever and can easily distract you from intense emotions.

It’s hard to focus on your problems when you’re almost out of breath. It may also be helpful to write down what you want to say so you can convey your message more clearly.

It’s okay to take time to talk about something that makes you emotional. If you can keep your partner with you instead of pushing him away, you will get over the problem more easily.

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2. Having a competitive attitude

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A little competition is good, but anything that is not mutual and fun can build a wall. Competition is all around us. Football games on TV, high school football games, getting ahead at work, Christmas parades in the neighborhood; You name it and someone will try to win it.

You may need to be one step ahead in some areas of your life, but your marriage is not one of them. When one person is always the winnerboth spouses lose.

Maybe there could be a little rivalry between the two of you on the racquetball court. And maybe you can prank each other with your basketball tournament predictions.

But that’s all. Anything that is not mutual and fun can build a wall between you. According to a study conducted in 2010Excessive competition in a relationship can be harmful and ultimately damage the couple’s bond.

If you find yourself making a “case” in the back of your mind, with supporting points for each disagreement, you can almost always win the argument. But you can do more than anything to tire and demoralize your partner.

A person with emotional insecurities He may overcompensate for this by trying to appear superior to his partner. When they stay at the top, they feel stronger and safer.

They may have trouble being vulnerable even with their partner. Doing so will reveal their insecurities. This contradicts their belief that they are successful.

Does this sound like you? Is your partner tired of your victory dance and need to always have the upper hand? Maybe they just want you to come back to earth for a bit.

They’ll probably be much happier to be around you when you show them some flaws. You may not be used to your partner showing you affection.

If you marry a wonderful person, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You don’t need to win to feel satisfied.

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3. Marrying about me instead of getting married

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Have you ever stopped to listen to the chatter going on in your mind? He’s probably focusing on you; how you look, how you messed up, what’s coming up next in your schedule, what you’re looking forward to, etc.

Naturally, this chatter is a bit biased because it depends on your perspective. So how about the conversation about your spouse? What matters is how much fun you will have in the future, what you expect from your partner, and what kind of mood you are in.

Generosity and thoughtfulness It can go a long way towards nurturing a great marriage. Instead of wondering if they can load the dishwasher correctly, do something you know your spouse will appreciate. A study from 2013 He notes that a generous marriage is a happy marriage and can even increase intimacy.

Be careful: they might not throw you a ticker tape parade just because you did it. Don’t fall into the “what’s in it for me” trap again.

If you maintain the habit of being more generous and considerate towards your partner, he or she will eventually say or do something in response. They may hold their comments at first because they don’t know if this trend will continue.

They may be waiting to see whether this generosity is a trick or a set of new, positive habits. Your message will become clear when they see that you are sincere and consistent in your efforts over time. Let those selfish thoughts pass and continue doing loving things for your partner.

Here’s another secret to making such an effort: Emotions follow actions. So when you do these generous acts, you may not feel loving at first. If they don’t say anything at first, you may wonder why you’re bothering them. Keep going anyway. The more generous you are, the more generous and loving you will naturally feel towards your partner.

Change communication mistakes in marriage by changing habits. Changing old marriage communication mistakes takes some practice.

It’s surprising how much the energy between partners can change with just a few changes. Once you understand how everything fits together, you can immediately make real progress in your relationship.

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John M. Grohol writes regularly for Psych Central, covering the latest scientific advances in mental health psychology, dissecting bad research, and adding his thoughts on the world of psychology.